By Graham Rae | January 16, 2006

Spiders. Let’s face it, who likes them? Nobody. Eight-legged freaks with eight eyes and no style, existing only to star in giant form in bad horror movies, or to suck the juice out of poor unfortunate insects. Having said that, however, if all spiders were as shapely as Misty Mundae in this movie, those insects would be glad to donate their precious bodily fluids in the interests of arachnid sustenance.

‘SpiderBabe’ is a parody of Raimi’s webslingerfest ‘Spider-Man’. Obviously. Main Seduction Cinema seductress Mundae plays Patricia Porker, a shy, sexually repressed college student (and kudos to whoever got wee Misty into glasses, cos she looks great as a bookgirl geek – lasses with glasses are the sexual upper classes) who is bitten by a radioactive spider and becomes sex-crazed crimefighter ‘SpiderBabe’ who shoots webs out of her, uh, birthday carriage. This mutant superheroine takes to screwing half of New York city whilst saving it from the clutches of Femtilian (Julian Wells, in another fun comedic performance), the lizard-in-a-woman’s-skin alter-ego of scientist Lucinda Knoxx. Wells’s character replaces Willen Dafoe’s in the original ‘Spider-Man’ and I must say it’s a welcome change, cos no way would old Bobby Peru DaFoe ever look good in a reptilian bikini. Unless you’re seriously sick and demented, that is.

This being a Seduction release, we know basically what to expect; namely lots of sex, lesbian and straight, and jokes ranging from hilarious to terrible. Some of the supporting cast is pretty good, namely Peter Quarry as Porker’s poor, doomed respiratory disease-suffering Uncle Flem (hey, nobody ever said this was subtle). Bubbles VaVoom (not her given name, I think) as dominatrix Aunt Maybe puts in a fine, sick comic turn too.

Some of the stuff from the original webslinger opus get hilariously twisted here. The wrestling scene where Peter Parker tries to earn some cash has been turned into a lesbian grapplefest, which will no doubt please fans of wrestling and women. And the scene where Spider-Man hangs upside down from a ladder and kisses his main squeeze has been turned into ‘SpiderBabe’ hanging upside down and fellating the guy she adores (photographed, of course, by a paparazzi hack from the ‘Daily Bunghole’). Guess it says something about my mentality that I found this kind of lowgrade stuff amusing, but hey, what can I say?

DVD extras? We have a fair few. The version of ‘SpiderBabe’ I have came in a two-DVD set, containing both the R-rated and unrated features. I have no idea what the difference is because, well, who’s going to watch the former when you can watch the latter? We also have:

A TV clip from England featuring some woman called Emily Booth, who features in a comedy skit as ‘Flygirl’. Amusing references to England as being where “Margaret Thatcher and mad cow come from” are made, and if you combine the two subjects of that sentence you’d have a true description of the ex-Prime-Minister.

Multiply ‘Naughty’ Deleted Scenes. Boring softcore sex scenes probably trimmed for running time. One of them is just the exact same scene as one left in the film. This is hardly worth bothering about.

Making The Costume. We get shown an earlier incarnation of Mundae’s sex-yet-stupid spidergarb from the movie made by Keriem Younes. Of interest only to fashion designers, and for the scribbled note that Mundae is allergic to latex. Damn. Another whole panoply of tightfit fantasies shot to s**t…

Misty Mundae/Julian Wells interviews. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Mundae and Wells sit and coo over each other, as does English director Johnny Crash. A poignant, teary-eyed lovefest.

Punishment Music Video (plus Making Of video) featuring Misty Mundae. A not-very-good video of Mundae being stalked by some freak to a terrible retro death metal tune (which sounds exactly like the kinda Napalm Death/Macabre/Carcass stuff I was listening to back in 1988) before offing him in a ‘surprise’ twist. Horrible except for the chance to see Mundae in a short plaid skirt again, which is always a joy. The making is just as boring, except for some entertaining footage of some band called Dead Gerber Babies and their insane fans kicking the s**t out of themselves and various venues during gigs. Apparently this is from some extreme music doc called “Bad Luck 13’ and it looks to be one for fans of GG Allin and sociopathic sick musical dicks all round.

Outtakes And Bloopers. Some not-very-interesting, well, outtakes and bloopers. What more can I tell ya?

Behind-The-Scenes. Shenanigans from behind the camera. Ho-hum.

Overall I found this to be a fun, stupid, sexy (though a couple of the sex scenes just got in the way of the ‘plot’) little film, and if they make a sequel (as Spiderbabe cynically refers to in the movie) I for one wouldn’t mind seeing it. This DVD is a must for Mundae fans or fans of lowbrow farce. Need I tell you any more? Get caught up in this sexy celluloid web today.

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