SCREAM, BITCH, SCREAM…

This was going to be a Thursday entry, but I thought I’d post this today.

This October has been utterly fantastic, and the entire month seems to be mainly centered on celebrating Halloween, thanks in part to the resurgence of horror films both neutered and hardcore. The last few years have seen a disturbing lack of festivities, and I’m glad we’re seeing so much demand for my beloved genre.

On Tuesday, Spike TV launched their first annual (taped, and truncated) “”SCREAM” awards, and after going for too long without award shows to look forward to, this new celebration actually managed to be better than anything I’ve seen in a while. It wasn’t without its caveats, surely, but in the end it was a fun two hour spectacle that gave genre fans what they wanted: Gore, hot chicks, and heavy metal music.

The creators seemed to have their hearts in the right place, and this affair was catered to the fans. Rosario Dawson, who continues to steal my heart, engaged in plenty ‘o skits including one where she took questions from fans, all of which were pleas from fan boys begging her to dress in her costume from “Sin City.” Marley Shelton, Rose McGowan, and Dawson hosted, promoting “Grind House,” and entertained with humorous albeit forced interplay.

The entire show was a blast, and the incessant screaming (which left me with a throbbing headache after the first hour) signaled that fans were enjoying themselves.

Included were skits featuring a zombie guest munching on an IRS agent, a wonderful scene of a zombie arriving to the show in the opening, and Darren Lynn Bousman, director of “Saw 3,” being straddled by the eternally gorgeous Shawnee Smith and having his scalp removed (brains exposed) on stage by Tobin Bell setting the stage for a montage for the upcoming “Saw 3.”

The more forgettable sketches featured an awfully boring segment starring Fergie pretending to be bad-a*s, and a bland and abrupt award presentation to Ozzy Osbourne

The back and forth between the presenters wasn’t too annoying, save for a forced tee-hee introduction between Devon Aoki and Freddy Rodriguez for “Best Comic Book,” an award that happily went to “Marvel Zombies.”

Even though “The Walking Dead” didn’t claim the title, Robert Kirkman, the madman behind both, accepted the award providing a hilarious acceptance speech. If you haven’t read either titles yet, you’re as brain dead as the zombies are.

As for the awards, there seemed to be many that were well deserved, and others that left you scratching your head. But you could sense there were slim pickin’s. In the end though, they’re about as relevant as a Blockbuster award.

In the “Huh?” categories:
The eye removal scene in “Hostel” won over the needle bed scene in “Saw 2” in the “Holy S**t!” award, Kate Beckinsale won for best scream queen in “Underworld: Evolution,” and for best comic adaptation, “X-Men: The Last Stand” won out.

In the “Well Deserved” categories:
Brandon Routh won for Best Superhero, Best Director: Christopher Nolan, Best Horror movie: “The Devil’s Rejects,” and the “”Most Vile villains” were The Firefly Clan, featuring a fun acceptance speech from Sid Haig, Sheri Moon, and Leslie Easterbrook.

One of the more memorable moments of the night included the special achievement awards for Frank Miller’s career; and awards for Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez (sans pet monkey Eli Roth). And after a pretty droning introduction from Eva Mendez, Rodriguez and Tarantino received standing ovations from fans, and they brought with them a surprise: a preview for “Grind House.”

Suffice it to say, it was fantastic. Even though I’ve had my trepidations with the installment “Death Proof,” and though this award seemed to be given to them mainly to tout “Grind House,” I could care less. As one of the many salivating over these upcoming films, I was stunned.

The preview for “Planet Terror” was filled with enough tension, grit, and horror that it almost seemed like a continuation to Romero’s “Dead” series. Rodriguez packs the screen with film favorites like Nicky Katt, Michael Biehn, and Tom Savini, and seems to have a good idea of what a zombie movie should entail.

Included in the promo was McGowan with a machine gun leg, McGowan with a huge c**k machine gun, and enough T&A to please fan boys. Rose McGowan as a stripper””need I say more? Sandwiched in-between was the artificial trailer for the outrageous action film called “Machete” starring none other than Danny Trejo. Mysteriously, though, scenes for “Death Proof” were slim.

The montage to “Grind House” had me begging for more.

It looks m***********g excellent.

Here’s hoping they deliver. The entire awards show seemed to have the goal of promoting “Grind House” and “Saw 3” featuring nearly all the actors for both films presenting at one point or another. But Spike’s hyping of the show, the presentation, and the endless appearances from genre stars was a Halloween treat.

The SCREAM awards managed to land a solid B+ and here’s hoping Spike TV continues with the show next Halloween.

This horror goon is pleased.