Dear Brett Ratner,
What’s up bro? I finally got a chance to listen to LL Cool J’s “Radio” and I must say, that is one dope track. Thanks for the suggestion. I also saw X-3 but I am not going to open that can of worms. My words will do no justice, since it made more money than I care to bring up. I wouldn’t blame you anyway, you’re not the one who wrote it.
One thing I am not is a person who cares much for cinema rumors and gossip. I actually hate that shit. That’s why I rarely point my browser to Ain’t It Cool News. I am not dissing the site or anything, it’s just not my cup of tea, or to put it in your language, it’s not my forty of Olde E. For some reason though, I hit up that site the other day to see what was new in their world.
I then read something that, even though it’s a rumor at this point, will probably be the best thing ever. It involved your upcoming film, Rush Hour 3, and a certain actor-turned-coke-head-turned-straight-to-video-star. His name is Jean-Claude Van Damme.
I remember seeing Hard Target in the theater. Man, that movie blew me away. There is this one scene at the end where he stands on a motorcycle and rides real fast towards a moving truck. He is also holding a gun. When the cycle collides with the truck, Van Damme flies over it, does a flip, then lands on his feet like nothing happened. All this is happening while his sweet mullet is in slow motion. How incredible!
This rumor mentioned that he might be up for the main villain role in Rush Hour 3. If that isn’t the best idea I’ve heard all year, I don’t know what is. You must do us this favor Brett. It’ll more than make up for the flaws in X-3. It’ll even erase that memory I have of that short you did called Whatever Happened to Mason Reece.
I want to see this movie. Chris Tucker (after years of absence), Jackie Chan and Jean-Claude Van Damme. If you can get Jean-Claude to play twins again, that would be awesome. If these aren’t the ingredients of a wonderful cinematic stew, I am not quite sure what would.
Do us this one favor Brett. Please, I beg you. Once more, that’s Rush Hour 3. Starring Chris Tucker, Jackie Chan and Jean-Claude Van Damme in a dual role as two evil twins, ala Marked for Death. Have you ever seen that picture? Of course you have, you’re Brett Ratner.
I know you can make this happen. You’re my only hope.
P.S. Thanks for producing Running Scared. If you did one thing right in 2006, this was it. And if you like this picture, feel free to use it as the cover of the DVD when it is finally released.