Are you like me? Do you hate Matthew McConaughey? This jerk was hyped to stardom a few years back by the Tinseltown publicity machine, and we’ve all been paying the price ever since. But, back in the day, Matty was just another annoying, unknown pretty boy plying his trade in any cheapo/indie project that would have him. One such flick was “Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre” which also boasts the dubious talents of current celebrity-girlfriend extraordinaire Renee Zellweger.
Zellweger is Jenny, a geeky high school girl who has a pack of friends who are even jerkier than she is. Even more disturbing is the fact that these “kids” all look to be in their mid-to-late twenties. After they leave their prom, they get into the obligatory “Massacre” car accident and end-up in the clutches of a gang of rotten hillbillies — one of whom is the always-smirking McConaughey.
This year’s Leatherface (Robert Jacks) is put through his paces as the familiar mindless buffoon who wants nothing more than to kill people with his chainsaw. And you know the rest. The “Massacre” movies follow a really simple formula: 1) idiots get stranded in remote Texas town 2) they get abducted by colorful cannabilistic rednecks 3) Leatherface struts around with his chainsaw 4) some of the abductees “get croaked” 5) one female gets away — usually after kicking Leatherface in the jimmies, etc… 6) Leatherface dances around with chainsaw 7) viewer hurls videotape/DVD across room.
The bottom line is that the only “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” movie that you need is to see is the first. That film said it all, and seemed to come out of nowhere with it’s stark imagery and truly frightening subtext.
“Return…” might be of interest to people who have been thinking of becoming Renee Zellweger stalkers. Other than that, don’t waste your time.
