Lars von Trier, rather than going ahead and just making a film, has decided to release another press missive explaining how he will make a film, if he wants to make a film. The  full “Statement of Revitality” can be read on Variety here, but I want to make a short “Statement of von Trier Contradictions” here in this blog.

Von Trier states “I want to launch my products on a scale which matches the more ascetic nature of the films, and aimed at my core audience: i.e. my films will be promoted considerably less glamorously than at present, which also means without World Premieres at prestigious, exotic festivals.

So, step one, he’ll be releasing his next film The Boss of It All, in Denmark after World premiering at the Copenhagen International Film Festival (which could quality as breaking his “without World Premieres at prestigious, exotic festivals” stipulation while fulfilling the “core audience” requirement). Great, Lars, way to start off on the right foot. You’ve already muddied your own statement. Then again, this is the same guy who couldn’t help but make Dogme 95 and then slowly trash every rule involved.

Also, “films will be promoted considerably less glamorously than at present,” huh? Like, I don’t know, without pretentious artisitic statements preceding every new release? WHOOPS! Lars, you done f****d-up again. Or did he?

With regard to PR, my intention is for a heavy reduction in quantity, compensated for by more thorough exploration in the quality press.

Okay, you bastard, I’ll let you slide on that one as I guess pretentious notes written to a nonexistant cult of followers could lead to “more thorough exploration in the quality press.” I mean, you got Variety and Film Threat writing about you, kudos!

For the record, I will be releasing my “Statement of Quality Press” sometime in the next lifetime to justify my usage of the terms in reference to both Variety and Film Threat.

Lars ends his scrawled-in-crayon-and/or-menstrual-blood memo with the following: “In short, in my fiftieth year I feel I have earned the privilege of narrowing down. I hope that this attempt at personal revitalization will bear fruit, enabling me to meet my own needs in terms of curiosity and play, and to contribute with more films.

Earned the privilege, huh? Who’s been pressuring this guy!?! You read this note and it sounds like he’s some two films a year film machine that needs a break and… he’s not even close.  On top of that, in the end he states he wants to make more films after complaining for most of the piece that he needs longer development and production time per film. Wha?
And in all of this, I really dig the guy’s films. Maybe I’m just bitter that we never got a Kingdom III. Maybe I’m pissed that that we’ll never see Washington. Maybe Lars should draft a “Promise to Finish Film Trilogies I Start” proclamation.

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