By admin | February 24, 2006

The Aussies got themselves a strange idea of suspense-horror movie.

In fact, “Reason 2 Kill” is going to be one of the most baffling you’ll see in quite some time. Let’s take a look at why.

Quito Washington, the guy who did pretty much everything involved in “Reason 2 Kill” except make the cast lunch, sums up his mission for the film with this verbose paragraph:

“I wanted to make a film that was something I could only make once—a film that had all the things in it that I liked in films: Random events repeated, people talking about events not yet seen. I wanted nature to be felt so that the audience could be immersed in the experience of the film. I wanted to allow you to feel as if you were right there in the rain watching…listening…yet unable to do anything.”

Okay, first off…Quito. Buddy. “…people talking about events not yet seen” is called FORESHADOWING. Sixth graders’ short stories do that.

Second: random events repeated. So you actually PREFER it when large segments of film not only not make sense, but also bore hell out of everybody by forcing them to relive the nonsense all over again.

Third: “I wanted to allow you to feel as if you were right there in the rain watching…listening…yet unable to do anything.” Congratulations. You have discovered the technical definition of a movie. EVERYONE will feel that they can’t do anything because this is a WORK OF FICTION. You know, with fictional characters? Fic-shun-al care-ack-ters, as they got Ben Affleck to say in “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back?”

Okay, Quito’s daffy little mission statement aside, there’s an even bigger problem with this movie. The problem is that there’s not so much a plot in here as there is a discussion group. A good sixty-plus percent of the movie revolves around five half-drunk Aussies sitting around a table and discussing morality. And frankly, if I wanted to go get liquored up and talk morality for seventy minutes I’d go to a college bar. At least then I might get laid.

But when a movie is so desperate for depth of thought that it’s willing to rip off “Terminator 2: Judgment Day” (the joke is, I’m not kidding. One hour, seven seconds. They quote “No fate but what you make.”), you KNOW that this is going to be a really, really bad movie.

And indeed, it is. The surprise twist ending, frankly, isn’t all that twisty or surprising, even. And just to sum things up, “Reason 2 Kill” gives me no real reason 2 watch.

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