Not even ten years have passed since “Aspen Extreme,” and Disney is once again exploiting winter sports for a cheapo comedy. Snowboarding is the focal sport in “Out Cold,” and whenever someone is shown taking to those steep, powder-covered inclines, the footage (of obvious pro boarder doubles) is rather impressive.
Such sequences could actually have been exciting as well if they had been longer or had anything to do with the actual story of the film. The plot, such as it is: a modest resort in Alaska is bought by a hotshot Colorado developer (Lee Majors, looking as if he’s had about $6 million worth of cosmetic surgery), who wants to turn the place into a trendy Aspen-like yuppie vacation magnet, which threatens the current employees’ dreams of taking over the business. This most unappealing crew includes the pretty boy snowboard champ (Jason London) torn between his growing feelings for his tomboyish best galpal (A.J. Cook) and his lost, lamented love (Caroline Dhavernas), who just happens to be the daughter of the developer; the token black guy (Flex Alexander), who rather insultingly can’t get on a snowboard without wiping out; the idiot (Derek Hamilton), who in one of his many unfunny bits takes a s**t in a urine test cup; and the idiot’s brother (Zach Galifianakis), who gets in a number of compromising situations involving his penis.
The raunch factor in “Out Cold” is surprisingly high, but unlike another brother filmmaking team, the Farrellys, directors Emmett and Brendan Malloy don’t translate into laughs so much as groans. Also, given the film’s PG-13 rating, it can’t take full advantage of the involvement of Playboy Playmate Victoria Silvstedt, who plays a Swiss bombshell cocktease to the four guy–while keeping all of her clothes on. In failing in every base it tries to cover, there’s no point in seeing “Out Cold,” for such preferable alternatives exist. If you want to watch some extreme winter sports action, watch a Warren Miller-produced extreme sports documentary. If you want raunchy snow-set comedy with a Playboy Playmate who actually delivers on what she’s hired for, rent “Hot Dog… the Movie.” If you want laughs, just about every other comedy playing right now is good for one giggle, which is more than you’ll get here. Just don’t waste your time or money on “Out Cold.”