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By Anthony Miele | March 25, 1997

My name is Anthony and I work in the Film Threat office three days a week. Mostly, I transcribe interviews, do filing work and go to screenings that the staff is too lazy to go to themselves. Film Threat asked me to attend the Oscar arrivals outside the Shrine theater and get the scoop.
Well, the scoop is that the people in the stands were real losers. Some of them waited here for days and they smelled like it. Very ripe. This is the glamour of Hollywood? They came just to scream at their favorite celebrities. I mean, what does Ralph Fiennes care about some overweight woman from Ohio. (Is it Ray or Ralph or? I’ll check later.) It was really sad. Anyways, Chris O’Donnel, Robin or whatever, got screams from all the girls and it really hurt my ears. Jim Carrey was cool and Lauren Holly just had the best bod. She was fine. The crowd liked him the most of anybody.
It was kind of boring because the crowd was into it, but I couldn’t care less. Lots of people walked up that I hadn’t the faintest idea who the hell they were. I kept having to ask this lady who they were. Even the chants were hard to make out. “Tom! Tom! Tom!” So, I guess that was Tom Cruise.
It was a madhouse, and really not very fun. I know this was lame but you can’t really fire me because I’m just an intern and what can I say, I was stuck in bleacher hell. Sorry guys. I hope you get this e-mail on time to make it in. Later.

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