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By Admin | June 2, 2006

I’ve decided that I want to pursue acting. I’ve never done it before but how hard can it be? I’ve seen Keanu Reeves star in film after film. I’ve seen a trilogy of George Lucas films over the past ten years and they have the worst acting ever. I’ll probably live to see a trilogy of Fast and the Furious films (hopefully I didn’t just jinx myself). It’s obvious that acting isn’t really part of most mainstream cinema these days, so why can’t I do it too? I can’t act either.

Maybe it’s my mug. Give it a glance:

Perhaps that isn’t the best picture I could show. Is it my glasses? I can look pretty badass if I take them off. I could be the next Scott Caan. I should be in Ocean’s 13. There must be a role for me in the remake of Seven Samurai I’ve been hearing about. I could be the next Superman. I mean, I already have the glasses. And I’m not very expensive either. I’d do a movie like that for $10,000. I’m unknown too. Maybe Brett Ratner will sign me as Gambit in X-4. I’d probably have to bribe him with a donut and some pomade but I can afford that.

I should be John Connor in Terminator 4 because after T3, there really isn’t any more continuity to save.
I think this is actually a good idea. I do want to be John Connor in the next Terminator film. I have the perfect picture to earn me the part:


In this picture, I am very unshaven (this signifies I am a little troubled because my mom has died and I know that Terminators are real and could kill me at any given moment) and very aware (as I am very paranoid, as Terminators could kill me at any given moment). And I am behind the wheel driving, looking out the side window instead of at the road ahead of me (which happens a lot in films). This look could also express my concern for the future of the human race, as it might be extinct soon. Perhaps I am involved in a deep thought involving my father, Kyle Reece, who died protecting my mom from a Terminator in 1984. I think, “Well, he accomplished his mission and had sex with my mom. That’s a pretty good death.”

All these moods and feelings expressed in this one simple picture. Imagine what I could do in front of a motion picture camera.

I know one thing is for sure, I’d probably give Edward Furlong and Nick Stahl a run for their money. Plus, I only cost $10,000. Top that, suckas.

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  1. Patrick Suarez says:

    Michael Ferraro for Man of Steel! That would be a block buster action film!

  2. Mark Bell says:

    When will I see you smile again? – Mark Bell Biv DeVoe

  3. stina says:

    some of the lesser talented but very boinkable actors probably do just that…. “actor” by day, “manslut/slave” by night. you wouldnt have any qualms about that, would you?

    or maybe theyre not even real people.

  4. Pat says:

    You got my vote dude!!

  5. willerichey says:

    Screw acting, Michael Ferraro for president!

  6. Michael Ferraro says:

    Pete, the funny thing is, my $10,000 fee is probably less than Furlong’s bail.

  7. Pete says:

    Dunno about Nick Stahl, but Eddie Furlong would probably work for bail money at this point.

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