The other night, I went to see an early screening of The Lady in the Water, the new nightmare written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan (more about this in tomorrow’s blog entry), and I brought with me a friend of mine. I had no expectations walking in but as a critic of sorts, I always put my biases aside.
That didn’t help this time. It was not-so-good. I mean, it wasn’t The Village (it’s hard to be that bad, unless you’re George Lucas) but it wasn’t The Sixth Sense either. Regardless, when I walked out of the theater, I looked over to my friend and said, “Unholy Hell. What the f**k did we just watch? Who thought it was a good idea to make this movie?” She said, “I knew you wouldn’t like it… but I didn’t like it either.”
In fact, I can’t name one movie I really liked this summer. Superman Returns was a disappointment, as was X-3. The new Pirate movie was completely unnecessary. The Da Vinci Code burned my eyelids. Clerks II destroyed everything that made my youth so much fun, and I walked out of Nacho Libre, which is something I haven’t done in five years. And Click made we want to kill Adam Sandler. Mission: Impossible III was impossible to enjoy.
Is it just me or has this been the worst summer in cinematic history?
Apparently, I am the only one. Many have liked (even loved) some of these films I’ve discussed above. I’m sure I’ll probably be on my own about the misfire that is Clerks II, just like I was about Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I guess people don’t miss the time when Kevin Smith had interesting ideas and fresh (sort of) philosophies. Is there something wrong with me? It occurred to me the other day that I have finally become “that guy” who hates every movie ever. People at work finally stopped asking about movies I saw because I think they think they already know what the answer will be. My friends always give me a look after a movie ends, like, “What’s this guy going to say about this one…”
Someone said to me the other day, after Clerks, that, “you walked into that movie hating it.” No I didn’t. I never do that.
I’ve only been doing reviewing films for a few years now, for various publications, and I am already to that point where I dread going to screenings. I don’t even go to the movies that much anymore outside of press screenings. I know some critics who don’t have lives because all they care about is when the next press screening is. It’s a scary world we live in when you let it consume you like that.
And the sad part is, is that I used to love every movie I saw, just because I was sitting in a dark room watching a giant screen. I wish I was still like that, you know, like Harry Knowles or something, a dude who loves every movie ever, no matter how bad they are (read his review for Lady in the Water for instance). That dude seriously loves every movie. And he doesn’t just love them, he practically wants to make out with them from start to finish.
Michel Est Mort (Michel is Dead) by Stina Chyn.
It’s hard to imagine what else I would be good at in this lifetime (if you even consider my writing talents in the realm of criticism ‘good’). I don’t want to be a teacher – my vocabulary is too violent for little ears. I don’t care about helping people either. I can’t jump into the art world either, my skill isn’t worth any kind of coin outside of the money I find on the ground outside of the McDonald’s near my apartment. Working retail isn’t my thing either, anymore.
Who am I kidding. I can’t say I have any kind of skill in any other arena. Maybe I am supposed to be this guy, the only guy on the planet who thinks Episode I is better than Episode II, or the only guy on the planet who watched Spider-Man with his eyes open to discover how much that movie sucked.
At least I don’t like Alien Vs. Predator.