By Admin | March 26, 2003

“Le Diamant des Damnes” (“The Diamond of the Damned”) is a somewhat confusing short film from Quebec. It starts out as a fairly amusing “Evil Dead” rip-off, then ends up as sort of a post-apocalyptic zombie flick. Not that there’s anything especially wrong with either of those, it just lacks a bit of transition.
An unnamed couple has headed (via snowmobile, it is Canada after all) to a remote cabin in the woods for a little relaxation, but no sooner have they settled in than they have a lover’s spat. She locks herself in the bedroom while he mopes out on the couch. It seems the young man has an ulterior motive in coming out here, because he produces an engagement ring from his pocket and sadly contemplates it. Too bad for him that he apparently obtained it from a gumball machine, because the stone suddenly slips free from its mounting and disappears into a crack in the floor.
Meanwhile, his girlfriend has found (what else?) an eldritch tome on the bookcase and starts leafing through it. Its pages depict horrific scenes of tribal slaughter and grizzly bear worship. One of the pages, decorated with strange runes, also shows a large diamond. A damned one, no doubt.
Back to the main room, where the man conveniently discovers, in the eye socket of the (grizzly?) bearskin rug on the floor, a large diamond. With nary a pause to consider his good fortune, he pries the stone out and puts it in the mounting. Never a good idea, but our Romeo has obviously never seen the cover of the AD&D Player’s Handbook.
The young lady opens the bedroom door and is met by her man, ring in hand. Cue wedding bells.
Or so you’d think, because the removal of the diamond has (of course) awakened the Indian zombies buried just outside the cabin. With numerous guttural cries (subtitled as “Brain” in the film) they lay siege to the cabin. The poor guy does his best, but is ultimately overwhelmed by the undead. His grieving fiancée manages to escape out the window and wrest a snowmobile from a passing drunk, who is messily devoured (he deserved it, having grabbed the derriere of our jolie fille in a quite brazen manner).
Just when you expect the credits are going to roll, we cut to an urban setting where zombies roam the streets with impunity. Who will save humanity now? Why, our newly badass heroine, that’s who. Clad in motorcycle leathers and armed with an M-1 rifle, she calmly pops zombie after zombie from a nearby rooftop. Satisfied with her handiwork, she murmurs, “Rock and roll,” and heads off for more adventures.
What the…? How did the zombies get back to civilization? Didn’t she warn the authorities? How did she get to be an expert sniper? Did she sneak over the U.S. border to buy the rifle? So many questions, but I guess they’ll have to wait for the next installment of “Pissed Off Zombie-Killing French-Canadian Biker Chick.” Thank heaven for little girls, eh?

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