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By James Teitelbaum | September 22, 2009

This tedious slasher-vampire thriller is either called “Outside in the Woods” (according to the subtitle on the Italian language opening titles) or “Last House in the Woods” (according to the text – in Sharpie – on the review DVD), or “The Forest Outside” (literal translation of the Italian title). And it gets worse.

You have seen this before:

Rino is splitting up with his gal, Aurora. They drive off to the woods to have a break-up shag in his car. A gang of thugs accost them, beating up Rino and trying to rape Aurora. They are saved by a passerby named Antonio, who takes them to the house he shares with his wife and his kid. Turns out the kid is a vampire, so Rino ends up tied to a chair while the kid feasts on his limbs. Aurora runs away, leaving him there. Aurora is soon captured by some freaky inbred “Deliverance”-types. All three of these antagonistic factions (the thugs, the hill folk, and Antonio’s family) go on to cause Aurora and poor Rino no end of misery. Lots of blood, lots of crying, lots of Aurora running for her life in the woods. The obligatory gruesome backstory is dutifully related, and Aurora eventually runs off into a life of psychotherapy.

I am not sure what inspires young filmmakers to continually rehash this same tired nonsense, but if you’re going to do so, at least bring something new to it. This film gets one star, simply because there is some level of competency in the production value; don’t let the lack of a zero or one-half star lead you to believe that there is anything new or challenging here.

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