I'M AVOIDING INDIANA JONES LIKE THE PLAGUE TOO Image

Not the upcoming movie “”Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” jeez people, c’mon. I’m all over that like our colleague Felix Vasquez clicking on a banner ad claiming to have photos of Kristen Bell nude. No, I am and have been avoiding the spoiler alerts, the screenplay reviews, the idle speculation, the fanboy musings and every single thing to do with the new Indy flick. And it hasn’t been easy. Since we older movie buffs are running low on movie events (with “”Star Wars” and “”Lord of the Rings” all done”¦hopefully) that hearken back to the good old days of movie going, we gotta get pumped up for something and unless I’m mistaken, all we have left is Indiana Jones. And I refuse to let some internet moron with a little too much access, a grudge or a hidden agenda crap on my holy grail.

For a few weeks now somehow word on the nets had leaked that the movie is kind of a stinker. Since I’m avoiding anything that may give any inkling of a hint as to what the film is about (except for the trailers”¦which rule), I only briefly skimmed Michael Cieply”˜s piece in the New York Times that pointed out some ill will towards the new Indy. My question regarding the early bad buzz on the film is”¦how the hell did anyone know?? More importantly, why do outlets like “”Ain’t it Cool News” run stories that have no base in merit, no sense of integrity, no real journalism involved and yet people still flock there as if there’s anything remotely truthful on the site. Their early reviews were first time “”reviewers” to the site who, like everyone else, sent in and were posted under phony names. Who knows if these people were disgruntled theater owners who didn’t get the film, actors or someone else peeved because of the way they were treated by the filming”¦or any person with sour grapes. Reviews with no oversight in terms of who wrote them are just wrong. And dumb.

Now oodles of people have seen the film and I’ll tell ya, it’s been brutal trying to avoid reviews. Plus it seems like there’s even more internet morons out there itching to ruin my (and many other peoples) good time. Like my pick for Internet Douche Critic of the week, indieWIRE’s Eric Kohn. He thought it would be clever for him to text message his thoughts on what he was seeing to his editor Eugene Hernandez throughout the entirety of the Cannes screening of “”Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” You can read the stream of brilliance here if you so desire. I haven’t read it, but it’s just stupid in it’s existence.

I mean, on what level does that seem like a good idea? Have you ever sat in a theater with someone who’s text messaging someone? Let alone doing it throughout the entire film? And then indieWIRE deems the results something print worthy? Sigh. The lengths people will go to to be FIRST(!) in this internet movie culture never ceases to amaze me.

So as I wrap up this distraction of all things Indy IV by way of rant and await the 36 more hours (or so) until I see it, I just want to say I can’t wait to see the film and then gorge myself on the reviews, opinions and detritus that follows. And in the future, lets try and keep our excitement to ruin the film for others to ourselves. But we know that will never happen.

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  1. MileHighMisfit says:

    Welcome to the party pal!
    I’m the freak in my gang of friends who goes so far as to close his eyes during the DARK KNIGHT trailer before IRON MAN, etc.
    If you wanted it, you can see about 1,000 trailers and spoilers before the film even hits theaters.
    It takes some “Buddha on the Mountaintop” training, but I have conditioned myself to avoid EVERYTHING.
    I went into the shitfest that was INDY IV completely spoiler free. Had avoided the trailers, etc.
    In this day and age of instant access, it is increasingly harder to avoid the good stuff.
    Everyone might have their own opinion as to when it started, but my first taste of the “SEVEN HOUR TRAILER” came when I first saw a trailer for FORREST GUMP. Since then, you can see an average of four movies (read: trailers) before your feature presentation.

  2. Mark Bell says:

    My anti-spoiler stance has a lot to do with the fact that, growing up, we really didn’t know s**t about upcoming films beyond the pic or short piece we’d read in a magazine or newspaper (and those pieces, while advertising essentially, were keen on keeping things interesting) and that kept the movie-going experience more of a must-do (because if you didn’t go, you didn’t know). Now, we know what’s happening in a movie months before we see it and… just not fun anymore.

    I’ve been spoiler-unfriendly for a long time and save random speculation between friends (which is based more on our hopes and wishes than any reports or spoilers), I usually don’t think too hard about the films upcoming until I do, or do not, see them. With spoilers, you only cheat yourself.

  3. CKY Nate says:

    Spoilers are like a drug. They are addicting. It takes a lot in this day and age for a movie geek to be able to say “I’m off spoilers”. Good for you.

  4. Don Lewis says:

    Dude (Jeff) I’m avoiding READING about it beforehand. I’ll be at the theater with bells on. Ironically, you skimmed the piece and didn’t read it as I’m doing with Indy news….

  5. I won’t AVOID “Indy 4,” (as easily as one could daintily sidestep, say, “Rambo 4” or “Rocky 6” or “Son Of The Mask”) but I’m content to wait until it reaches the local second-run movie house in about a month. And that l’il cineplex is a GOOD one: cheap prices, good quality projection equipment, comfortable seats, clean eye-pleasing 70s style lobby….and a refreshing lack of garish visual hype. F**k paying $11 for the midnight sneak preview! “Crystal Skull” will cease to be news in a month, anyway…

  6. DonLewis says:

    You dick.

    I was going to add in my blog entry that, even though I’ve fairly successfully avoided everything having to do with the film, I’m still guessing Indy gets abducted by aliens at the end of the film. Or his kid does. Or, both. We shall see if I’m right…hopefully, I’m not.

  7. Pete says:

    Spalko kills Short Round.

    Good luck with your embargo. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t watched even the first trailer.

  8. Nathan says:

    Mr. Kohn should have been removed from the theater. One of my pet peeves when going to the movies is people who find it necessary to turn on their cell phones throughout the movie. The glare annoys me. If you’re going to check messages or text during the film PLEASE leave the theater.

  9. FilmStew says:

    We couldn’t agree with you more re: the premise of IndieWire’s Cannes as-it-happens blog piece.

    Having sat next to – more times than we can count now – some fool ruining a movie with the glare of their Blackberry, the blink of their Handsfree ear piece, etc.,any possible upside is negated by the disruptive nature of the practice.

  10. Hey! She’s Veronica Mars! That’s a wallop of a woman!

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