I'M AVOIDING INDIANA JONES LIKE THE PLAGUE TOO

Not the upcoming movie “”Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” jeez people, c’mon. I’m all over that like our colleague Felix Vasquez clicking on a banner ad claiming to have photos of Kristen Bell nude. No, I am and have been avoiding the spoiler alerts, the screenplay reviews, the idle speculation, the fanboy musings and every single thing to do with the new Indy flick. And it hasn’t been easy. Since we older movie buffs are running low on movie events (with “”Star Wars” and “”Lord of the Rings” all done”¦hopefully) that hearken back to the good old days of movie going, we gotta get pumped up for something and unless I’m mistaken, all we have left is Indiana Jones. And I refuse to let some internet moron with a little too much access, a grudge or a hidden agenda crap on my holy grail.

For a few weeks now somehow word on the nets had leaked that the movie is kind of a stinker. Since I’m avoiding anything that may give any inkling of a hint as to what the film is about (except for the trailers”¦which rule), I only briefly skimmed Michael Cieply”˜s piece in the New York Times that pointed out some ill will towards the new Indy. My question regarding the early bad buzz on the film is”¦how the hell did anyone know?? More importantly, why do outlets like “”Ain’t it Cool News” run stories that have no base in merit, no sense of integrity, no real journalism involved and yet people still flock there as if there’s anything remotely truthful on the site. Their early reviews were first time “”reviewers” to the site who, like everyone else, sent in and were posted under phony names. Who knows if these people were disgruntled theater owners who didn’t get the film, actors or someone else peeved because of the way they were treated by the filming”¦or any person with sour grapes. Reviews with no oversight in terms of who wrote them are just wrong. And dumb.

Now oodles of people have seen the film and I’ll tell ya, it’s been brutal trying to avoid reviews. Plus it seems like there’s even more internet morons out there itching to ruin my (and many other peoples) good time. Like my pick for Internet Douche Critic of the week, indieWIRE’s Eric Kohn. He thought it would be clever for him to text message his thoughts on what he was seeing to his editor Eugene Hernandez throughout the entirety of the Cannes screening of “”Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” You can read the stream of brilliance here if you so desire. I haven’t read it, but it’s just stupid in it’s existence.

I mean, on what level does that seem like a good idea? Have you ever sat in a theater with someone who’s text messaging someone? Let alone doing it throughout the entire film? And then indieWIRE deems the results something print worthy? Sigh. The lengths people will go to to be FIRST(!) in this internet movie culture never ceases to amaze me.

So as I wrap up this distraction of all things Indy IV by way of rant and await the 36 more hours (or so) until I see it, I just want to say I can’t wait to see the film and then gorge myself on the reviews, opinions and detritus that follows. And in the future, lets try and keep our excitement to ruin the film for others to ourselves. But we know that will never happen.