The funniest movie about inept assassins this month is right here in “I Kill People For Money!” Based on what I just saw, basically I just spent about a half hour watching a movie about a down-on-his-luck inventor (he’s created, among other things, the Dog Bass collar–a collar with subwoofers to give dogs bass.) who’s sent away for a video guide on how to be a professional hit man.
The video, meanwhile, consists entirely of puppets. And this is the kind of thing we’ll be dealing with for the entire movie. Our inventor-cum-hit man will be singing the phrase “I am a hit man; I kill people for money” and repeating it like a daily affirmation whilst wearing a bright pink “Care Bears” t-shirt.
You know…I just watched that exact scene play out, right in front of me. I could repeat it for anyone who cared to watch. I could videotape it, timestamp it, and have a notary sign the DVD…but frankly…even I’m wondering what I’m on to have seen that. And then…when I saw our inventor-cum-hit man looking for jobs via a post on Craigslist…I knew something was very wrong. Very wrong, but very wrong in a very, very funny way.
At least until we see our inventor boy naked playing “Let’s Hear It For The Boys” on a ukelele. That was just wrong and not in a funny way. And that’s exactly the kind of thing that twenty-six minutes of “I Kill People For Money” will throw at you. Sheer insanity, legions of non sequiturs, gallons of comic pointlessness flooding at you like a dozen fire hoses. No, it’s not going to make sense–an assassin in a pink “Care Bears” shirt seldom does, especially when he’s naked on the ukelele. But we didn’t come here for sense and we’re sure not going to leave with any. All we get out of “I Kill People For Money” is a whole lot of comic glee.
All in all, “I Kill People For Money” will kill you. It’ll slay you. It’ll leave you laughing yourself to death, and that’ll save you a lot of money on assassin prices.
