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By Mike Watt | September 4, 2003

“Hunting Humans” should give any fledgling filmmaker hope for the future – if this digi-video train wreck can be released with a shoddy story, terrible no-name acting, and crummy direction, so can yours. The implausibly named “Aric Blue” is a walking stick of furniture who just happens to be a serial killer. Or mass murderer. Whatever – there is no logic to this thing. He’s cold, calculating, and “hunts humans” by following their patterns. If you walk to work the same way every day, he’ll figure out a way to kill you. He’ll learn that his neighbor comes home the same time every day, without fail, lets her dog out, takes a shower, and never locks her door. Obviously, he’s been studying her for years, and this woman is a slave to obsessive-compulsion. Actually, according to Aric, the entire human race has OCD. Except him, of course, which is what makes him superior and what allows him to justify killing everyone around him at random.
But wait! Some mysterious psycho has been studying Aric’s patterns – despite his incessant narrative claim that he doesn’t have any – and has decided to target him! Another human-hunter. Joy! Now we have someone else to not root for. No one in their right mind would side with Aric – cast the whole “killer” aspect aside, and he’s still a glowering, hulking, unfriendly piece of driftwood devoid of even the smallest sliver of personality and all-around unpleasant to be around. The creators want us to feel he’s one of the “nice guy” killers like Ted Bundy, but he’s more of an under-zealous backyard wrestler with access to blunt instruments.
When the stalker is finally unveiled at the end of the movie – to the utter shock of none – he’s become a preening, over-the-top from the worst melodrama. So we’re left with Snidley Whiplash-minus-the-mustache versus the unibrow tree-stump whose been boring us with his god-awful monotone narration for the past… the timer says seventy-minutes, but it feels like at least three days.
Humorless, lifeless, and washed out, there isn’t a shred of creativity in the entire presentation. Well, okay, the box-art is neat. Surely people will get roped in by that.

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