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By Betty Bowers | November 29, 2001

Once Harry arrives at Hogwarts, he is free to begin an unbroken daisy chain of homosexual liaisons. Fortunately for Christian viewers, the frantic buggery that is endemic at all British schools with stone floors is mercifully left off-camera. But this does not mean that Harry doesn’t devote shocking attention to finding other homosexuals to pair off with. For those of you thinking I am making this up, I direct your attention to page 171 of the book upon which this film was based for the brazen matchmaking exploits of young British homosexuals:
“Professor Flitwick (Harry’s ‘charms’ — wink, wink — teacher) put the class into pairs to practice. Harry’s partner was Seamus Finnigan, which was a relief, because Neville had been trying to catch his eye.”
Yes, it is utterly shameless! When not plotting same-sex trysts, Harry is busy disobeying adults as he prowls around the forbidden hallways of Hogwarts at night, hoping to catch adults in compromising situations. As played by Maggie Smith, prim Miss Jean Brodie is now Professor McGonagall, who can turn herself into a cat at will, but is apparently powerless against a face that droops like a clump of wet Bounty towels. With Professor McGonagall, J. K. Rowling attempts to recast evil witches as benign and helpful, if not quite attractive. This revisionism was, no doubt, plagiarized from our very own attempt to pass off the wrathful, killing, vindictive God of the Old Testament as a meek dispenser of harmless bromides in the New, Improved Testament.
Harry Potter is simply one in a long line of Hollywood vehicles intended to lure our impressionable children into believing that secular apparitions, while often speaking in an annoyingly coy voice, are more helpful than Jesus. For example, Dorothy Gale isn’t left to flail about helplessly in Oz asking “What Would Glinda Do?” – the so-called Good Witch of the East actually floats down and tells her what to do! Similarly, in Hook, children are lead to believe that Tinkerbell is more than just a woman with collagened lips who is notorious for snorting fairy dust and sleeping with all of her co-stars!
Harry Potter is directed by Chris Columbus, who is a man experienced with both adult-like children over-reacting (Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone) and child-like adults overacting (Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire). In deference to its overblown budget, Columbus uses John Williams’s music like a big, bloated yellow-highlighter to underscore, well actually over-score, each emotional nuance until it is pummeled into the audience with the subtlety of a CBS sitcom. When it comes to original music in Hollywood, either you get the pseudo-hip songs of puppy-dog-cute friendship played with the same three chords on a piano by Randy Newman or you get the overpowering bombast of the string sections from three regional symphony orchestras scored by John Williams. There is no middle ground. And there are, apparently, no other composers working in the film industry. So it is little wonder why most movies simply tack on tunes by whomever happens to be popular during post-production without regard to the actual story.
Satan has clearly thrown down the gauntlet with Harry Potter. He has put True Believersâ„¢ on notice that he will not give up until he has enticed all of our impressionable children to read books that don’t start with naked people lying and killing each other (the Bible). Perhaps in anticipation of the eye-popping special effects the Lord has in mind for the forthcoming Apocalypse, the movie industry is trying to outflank Christians when it comes to creating a fantasy world filled with supernatural phenomenon and larger-than-life characters who wear flowing, beltless robes and find mortals a constant source of irritation. While our ghosts are Holy and are able to create adorable personal bonfires that hover over heads babbling “tongues” – an instant immersion course in languages that mean nothing to anyone – in an act of galling one-upmanship, secular ghosts tend to have more winning, cheerful personalities (think Casper) and entice humans to say things that are intelligible, if not quite interesting (think The Sixth Sense).
Get the rest of this feature in part four of HARRY POTTER: A TICKET STRAIGHT TO HELL>>>

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