[ DARRYL HANNAH ] ^ We’re thankful that she continues to be steering clear of hit movies–it makes it a lot easier to avoid watching her bad acting.
[ FARRAH FAWCETT ] ^ We’re thankful that her career is back on track, and we want some of what she’s smokin’!
[ STEVE ALLEN ] ^ We’re thankful that he died quietly in his sleep, and even more thankful that we won’t have to listen to his inane ranting anymore.
[ WOODY ALLEN ] ^ We’re thankful that the Wood Man is still making good movies, and that he’s nowhere near our kids!
[ ADAM SANDLER ] ^ The Steven Spielberg of dumb comedies and we love him for it!
[ RICHARD ROEPER ] ^ For being the new role model to bland, obnoxious nerds.
[ ELLEN BURSTYN ] ^ For coming back to films with a vengeance in “Requiem for a Dream.”
[ MADONNA ] ^ We’re thankful that she sold her Hollywood Hills home, and we’d like to think it means she’s going to concentrate exclusively on making bad music.
[ WHOOPI GOLDBERG ] ^ We’re thankful her career has moved on to television game shows like Hollywood Squares which means we won’t have to see her in movies!
[ BARBRA STREISAND ] ^ We’re even more thankful that she’s retired from movies altogether!
[ DREW BARRYMORE ] ^ We’re thankful that she had the courage to show her big a*s in “Rolling Stone”, and we hope she uses it to crush Tom Green.
[ BO DEREK ] ^ For her completely unlikely performance as the sole Hollywood cheerleader in the George W. Bush presidential campaign…a performance that surpassed anything she did in films.
[ JAPANESE ANIME ] ^ For reminding us that animated films can do more than sell hamburgers and toys.
[ SHAFT ] ^ We’re thankful this year Hollywood got the “SHAFT.”
[ BOOK OF SHADOWS: BLAIR WITCH 2 ] ^ We’d like to thank BW2 again for confirming the basic lesson of Meteorology 101…that lightning does not strike twice.
[ DIRECT-TO-VIDEO FEATURES ] ^ or providing steady paychecks for the likes of Corey Feldman, Brian Bosworth, C. Thomas Howell, and a host of various has-beens and never-weres.
[ JENNIFER LOPEZ ] ^ For never wavering in her campaign of all-encompassing bad taste (in her films, her clothing, her music, her boyfriends, etc.)
[ JANE FONDA ] ^ For not coming back to films.
[ ALEC BALDWIN ] ^ We’re thankful that if George W. Bush wins the presidential election, Alec Baldwin will actually leave the country.
[ TOTAL MOVIE MAGAZINE ] ^ We’re thankful Chris Gore covered up his TOTAL NAKED private parts in the Nov./Dec. 2000 issue.
Check out FILMTHREAT.com’s FEATURE ARCHIVES and read hundreds of insightful stories, expert analysis, gut-busting satire and caustic commentary!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Join our Film Threat Newsletter

Newsletter Icon