“HACK ATTACK” – 2015 SLAMDANCE FILM FESTIVAL OPENING POEM

Every year, the Slamdance Film Festival opens with the performance of a poem written by co-founder Dan Mirvish. This year, Dan remembers the trials and tribulations of The Interview, and the fallout of The Infamous Hack. For those of you stuck at home, unable to watch and enjoy the ever-energetic Dan deliver the poem in person, here’s the 2015 Slamdance Film Festival Opening Poem for your reading pleasure…

“Hack Attack”
A Poem by Dan Mirvish

It’s rare that a film can make quite a dent
Get everyone flustered and terribly bent
Out of shape, out of sorts and indeed out of whack
I’d be remiss not to mention The Infamous Hack

Now on the face, of things in the news
The big Sony Hack did more than bemuse
It crippled a studio, brought a nation to knees
And I’m talking a big one, not one like Belize

I may live in Culver, but I’m hardly a crony
As someone who lives just a block south of Sony
(For real estate agents, it’s probably a no-no
But I like to call, our neighborhood “SoSo”)

So forgive my indulgence, but this story hits close
If someone attacks them, I’ll need to take a dose
Of iodine tablets, I’ve been out stocking
I’m not paranoid, so please stop your mocking

In a story that went from sublimes to absurds
It’s a Faustian twist on Revenge of the Nerds
For outing the racists, the hackers are heroes!
Until they threaten our films, and then they are zeroes.

In a year that saw the retaking of Crimea
It was easy to blame everything on Korea
Not the ones in the South, we love where they’re from
Like Bong Joon Ho, a proud Slamdance alum

No, we’re talking about the ones in the North
Where the hacks we are told, seem to have come forth
They barely have kimchee, they barely have rice
But they give out Hollywood releasing advice

But what does any of this have to do, with a gathering of indies
Well, I’ll tell you my friends, and I won’t speak in Hindi

Slamdance has odd friends, including Rodman, Dennis
Who once attended our party, in Cannes, not in Venice
We’re showing a doc, about his trip to Pyongyang
It should be fun, a real sturm und drang!

We’re happy to screen, a film made by James Franco
I think it will sell out, on that you can banko
And at the end of the day, it was our friend Tim League
Who was willing to spark up, the lights that are klieg

For once in Park City, there’ll be real conversation
And not about parties, or swagification
We’ll talk about freedom! To make films and to show ’em!
And if someone sees Tim, they should offer to blow ‘im

Stand up for our rights, is more than just a slogan
Not just for James, and his buddy Seth Rogen
For all of us, have had our share of rejection
We’ve been blacklisted and barred from projection

But this week in Park City, we’ll use our first amendment right!
(Well, except for filmmakers we didn’t invite)
So come see our movies, we’ll all sing along!
Hack us if you dare, what could possibly go wrong?

(Slamdance Co-founder-at-Large Dan Mirvish is the award-winning director of the film BETWEEN US, and is getting ready to announce his next film.)