Rain. Rain. Lots of rain. In fact, in almost every scene in this entire movie, it rains. Really wet rain. It actually gets depressing and tiresome after about an hour and it goes on for the entire movie. But, what everyone wants to know is what the monster looks like since that’s what they’re being so secretive about. Well, it’s kind of like an iguana with big calves and weird-looking muscular arms stuck right onto the side. It doesn’t really fit. The more you look at it, for the twenty minutes or so that it is onscreen, the more bizarre it looks. I actually miss old Toho Godzilla’s fat, puffy legs doing that slow walk down Tokyo.
But enough small talk. Was the movie good? The effects were sometimes breathtaking and at other times, cheesy. The acting ranged from bad stereotypes (remember Jud Hirsch from “ID4”?) to just plain bad. The film is 99% bloodless — nobody dies and there really isn’t one good scare. I’m not sure if the screenplay was actually written, or they simply ran a program which patched, Frankenstein’s monster-like, a hodge-podge of moments from recent blockbusters together along with typical lines like “…I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” The only cliche line missing was the famous, “I’m gettin’ too old for this s**t.” (That line is sure to be uttered in Lethal Weapon 4.) Oh, yeah, the music was stragely unremarkable — the soundtrack is all that typical hit list of the latest crap. Whatever happened to the original operatic and moving Godzilla score? That music still sends chills down my spine.
The final action sequence (where Matthew Broderick is almost eaten alive in a taxi) almost redeems what is bound to be one of this summer’s greatest disappointments. Unless you’re under ten years-old. For the single-digit age set, “Godzilla” is sure to be the greatest movie of all time.
