By Eric Campos | June 3, 2003

Glad to see this film for sure. It’s good for what ails you on a shitty day.
Kelly and Carlos are enjoying a quiet second date together, sitting on the couch at Kelly’s apartment. Kelly is reading Carlos some of her (bad) poetry and Carlos listens. He seems to be paying attention, but a peek inside his mind reveals that the only poetry this guy is interested in is “Roses are red – Violets are blue – Ya got big tits – I wanna suck on ‘em, too.” Carlos doesn’t care about poetry, he just wants some booty, so he throws on his best game face while Kelly continues to prattle off her work.
A couple hours later, and the b*****b has landed. Carlos leaves Kelly’s apartment when he bumps into Jacques, her French neighbor who is obsessed with her. Belittling the pathetic man by calling him a “European freak,” Carlos leaves the building, making way for Jacques to whine to Kelly about his dislike of her latest romantic companion. Jacques then leaves her place in a huff, returning to his apartment to sob before his shrine to Kelly.
A week later, Kelly hasn’t heard from Carlos, so she gives him a call and he replies that he’s just been too busy to return her previous calls…actually, we’re shown that he’s too busy jacking off to porn. Anyways, Carlos blows her off, so he can go back to handling himself and Kelly is left listening to a dial-tone.
Upset at this turn of events, Kelly shuffles over to the front door, opens it and…well, I’d love to tell you how this little tale ends, but that wouldn’t be fair. Just know that there’s gunplay, necrophilia and hallucinations of an overweight hooker. It’s the kind of film that’ll bring a smile to your face, place a song in your heart, and give you hope that no matter how shitty the human race can get, there’s always swift justice.

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