Note: The following story is mostly true. The names have not been changed to protect anyone from anything, since only 4 or 5 people read this anyway, it doesn’t even matter.
September 2004: I walked into the electronics department of some store with my large friend Steve. Steve likes donuts and he happened to have one in his hand at this particular moment.”Dude, look!” he said excitedly.
I wander over to where his fat, sticky finger is pointed. He was pointing at the newly released Star Wars trilogy on DVD.
“F**k that Steve. Those are the raped versions,” I tell him.
He quickly responds, “But dude, come on! You just have to get them on DVD… think about how they’ll look, how they’ll sound.”
He picks one up off the shelf and stares at it in amazement, as if he just found proof of God’s (pick one) existence. I picked one up too, just to give it a once over.
And a once over was all anyone should have given it. Instead, it became a fairly popular sell. Star Wars fanatics everywhere scooped them up like a side of mash potatoes from Popeye’s.
I didn’t though. Steve did, that very same day.
In the check-out line, I tried to plead with Steve some more. “Steve, you should hold out man. He’ll release the real ones sooner or later.”
“But dude, don’t you watch the news? Mr. Lucas said he’ll never release them. Ever.”
Star Wars fans who call George Lucas “Mr. Lucas” should be destroyed. And I should be allowed to dance on their corpses. Rich people shouldn’t be allowed to use the word “never.” It never works. They can’t keep their promises. Just like good ol’ George.
“You’ll see Steve, one day that m**********r will need a new flannel shirt or something. And for those us 8 people on the Earth that hold out, he’ll want our money.”
And sho nuff, I was right. CNN told me so.
I hope Steve and the other “Star Wars fans” feel so good right now. They forced themselves to watch the crappy, Hayden added versions of the old trilogy when they really didn’t have to. I hope it hurts so good because sometimes love don’t feel like it should. Patience and convictions are virtues and they are something I’m full of, thanks to a life full of utter disappointment and years of unhappiness.