The Bourne Ultimatum
We admit it, we enjoy the “Bourne” movies. I like the locales, the stunts, and the character’s willingness to kill everything he sees. “Ultimatum” will gross $175 million domestically on the strength of its car chases and the visceral thrill of maybe seeing Matt Damon break a clavicle.
The Hell with this, where’s our movie about “Strange Brew’s” Hosehead? Jason Lee, when not sealing his karma, will be heading up many cartoons of yesteryear, including the flying canine crusader, Underdog, and soon singing chipmunks! We look forward to his starring turn in “The Snorks.”
Rush Hour 3
The sequel no one asked for, stars the comedian no one remembers, and the martial arts star we’re still bowing our head in disappointment with. Did you know Chris Tucker was paid $25 million for this? The only way the producers can justify that kind of outlay is if Jackie Chan actually kicks his head clean off his body, (c.f. Bill Hicks).
After seeing the trailer for this, I now believe it might be just insane enough to work. Not only is it almost impossible to tell what the hell is going on, but the cast includes such notables as Peter O’Toole, Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ricky Gervais, and…Elwin “Chopper” David. If the Neil Gaiman-penned “Stardust” does well enough, it might pave the way for that long-rumored “Sandman” movie, which would cause such a spontaneous spasm of goth ecstasy that every Hot Topic store in the land would implode.
Four friends set off to honor their dying friend’s wish that they catch “Phantom Menace” at Skywalker Ranch before the movie’s premiere. The movie features an interesting cast, with the likes of Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen, and the Shatner himself, but whether the four can penetrate the defenses of the Ranch and success in their mission is the key question.
And I have to assume they didn’t, because not only do they not warn the rest of us to avoid the pile of garbage at all costs, there’s nothing in the trailer about them returning to the friend’s grave and desecrating his corpse in retaliation for Jake Lloyd and Jar Jar.
King of Kong
The front-runner for best movie of the year has everything: a tragic hero (Steve Wiebe), a despicable villain (Billy Mitchell), bootlicking toadies (Brian Kuh), deception, intrigue, and a battle royale to determine the One True Donkey Kong Champion. Just when I thought nothing on a big screen could actually move me emotionally, here comes “The King of Kong.” See it – multiple times – to let director Seth Gordon know what a fine film he’s put together.
In case you don’t get enough Seth Rogen in “Knocked Up,” he also co-wrote this film about a couple of high schoolers trying to throw a kick-a*s party…
The Summer season ends in Part Seven of Film Threat’s 2007 Summer Movie Preview>>>