Film Threat archive logo


By Mariko McDonald | January 5, 2005

As a rule, any program at the Den of Sin which has a higher than usual sexual content (Japanese women in prison movies, “They Call Her One Eye”) is usually my choice. One could suggest that it’s because a woman who enjoys subjectifying women is considered “liberal”, whereas a man who does is considered a “pervert” (please note, these are not my labels) and my fiancé would rather subject everyone to crap than risk being labeled a pervy-perv. But the truth is I am a pervy-perv and my fiancé really does love crap. So, while trying to make up for what I assumed would be a craptastick preceding month programmed by my fiancé, I decided to dedicate the next month to sex.

Being that the “Orca” / “Jaws the Revenge” double bill was reworked for later this month I may have overdone it a bit, but both films this week were things I’d been meaning to program for a while now. My first exposure to Radly Metzger was the hilariously trashy “Camille 2000” (which I felt extra special for realizing was a sleazy adaptation of “La Traviata”) and being that the Peanut Gallery members are all learning about Eurotrash together, he seemed like the perfect auteur to introduce them to. Not knowing much about his other work I basically went on blind faith choosing “The Lickerish Quartet”, my usual avenues of IMDb comments and Sinister Sam recommendations coming up surprisingly short. But the plot synopsis did sound promising. Promiscuous sexuality? Check. Jet-setting bourgeois Eurotrash characters? Check. Overly obvious head-tripping plot? Check. All the elements seemed in place for a D.o.S. programming success.

The second film was actually my original inspiration for the whole night. Being an amateur student of Canadian film (I’ve opted against film school since there are only so many times one can watch “Goin’ Down the Road”), I’ve been particularly interested in a bizarre little sub genre which popped up in the late ‘60s in the province of Quebec known as “Maple Syrup Porno”. Surprisingly little has been written on the genre as a whole, but there is one film which is repeatedly referenced as the starting point: 1969’s “Valerie” starring the beautiful Danielle Ouimet ( later seen in “Daughters of Darkness”). After a little research and some help from Sinister Sam I managed to track down a copy of it on DVD, a Canadian only release without subtitles that took about 8 months to import from Quebec. It’s been sitting on our shelf for about a year and a half as I debated whether to subject our friends to a low budget Canadian soft-core movie from the ‘60s with serious Catholic overtones. However, it also has boobies so I figured it couldn’t be all bad.

It was a healthy turnout with a total of 7 people in attendance, notably higher than almost any other week since September. Lesson 1: sex sells. Lesson 2: don’t wear your “13 Going on 30” t-shirt you got free through the store, or if you do, remember to put your sweater back on over it before answering the door. Otherwise prepare for an evening of nonstop digs at your expense. We decided to start with “The Lickerish Quartet” as it was the film I knew the least about and had the lowest expectations for. Much to my Fiance’s dismay, it turns out he’d already seen it on cable as a teenager. This led to an extended discussion on why Canadian TV rules and how late night Fridays and Saturdays were all about the foreign muff. Hell, you can get full frontal on basic after 11pm. As if you needed another reason to move to Canada.

The film itself was pretty silly and I can’t say that we put much effort into following the “plot”. A bunch of rich Eurotrash sit and watch a black and white stag film together and we eventually learn that the two older people are husband and wife and that the younger fellow is their son. Okay, fair enough, not our place to judge. Graeme made a sarcastic crack about how nothing beats sitting around analyzing porno movies and we all laughed when Corinne pointed out that they’d actually done that.

The next thing that happens is that they go to the fair and watch some chick in a white Emma Peel-esque jump suit ride a motorcycle around a ring for what seems like ages. We kept waiting for something to explode, but it never did so we concluded that it must only be worth watching live, or on a lot of coke. Graeme and Brendan amused themselves by finishing off the father’s bad pickup lines. Apparently the chick in the jump suit looks just like the girl in the porno movie they just finished watching and they invite her back to their place for some “games”. For no reason that any of us could figure out she goes with them. For the next hour we are subjected to a whole lot of silly looking sex scenes and a subtext so head scratchingly stupid it makes Oliver Stone look like a master of subtlety.

Among the numerous crimes against celluloid contained in the film are a multitude of costume changes, including one number with a collar made of peacock feathers, a dance scene that looks like it belongs on the “Monkees” TV show, a playful book fight (!) and dialogue so bad that most of us wiped it from our memories immediately after hearing it. My favorite set piece was the library, a stark white room filled only with books and handguns. The floor, ingeniously, was painted in dictionary definitions of assorted dirty words including “prick” and the father and the chick who may or may not have been in the porno film inevitably rolled around on it. It was at about this point that Graeme vocalized his immediate need for more alcohol.

The sleaze continues in part two of ENTER THE DEN OF SIN: MAPLE SYRUP AND LICKERISH>>>

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our Film Threat Newsletter

Newsletter Icon