“Digimon: The Movie” is a film critic’s worst anime. It’s a movie that makes no sense and has little point, except to make money at the expense of kids’ allowances across the country. Take my advice children — there are better reasons out there to smash your piggy bank.
And “Digimon: The Movie,” as you can clearly guess from my generous one star dangling above, is not one of them. Labeled as “The Movie,” it is anything but. It’s a compilation of three short installments which seem to have been picked at random from the Fox Kids television show line-up.
I couldn’t make heads or tails of this “feature,” which may explain the reason behind the “Digimon” and its hybrid “Pokemon’s” success. Children love them because grown-ups don’t understand them. If you happen to be a grown-up and do understand them, I don’t mean to offend you, but please stay far away.
What “Digimon: The Movie” amounts to is little kids running around trying to save the world while accompanied by their cute little Digimon friends (one of them looks like Kirby from Nintendo). Some monster threatens to wipe out humanity and the little Digimon digi-morph into monsters equal in size to their oppressors. Non-stop, frenetic violence ensues. This is repeated over and over and the result is a digi-headache.
But if you love them, I guess I can sympathize with you, even if I can’t understand you. When I was little, I too liked this stuff. But in the eighties, at least with “Transformers,” “Care Bears,” He-Man,” and “The Garbage Pail Kids” (all made into feature films) you can look back today and enjoy their scuzzy charm.
The difference with “Digimon” is, I don’t think too many people ten years from now are going to find the same nostalgia. At least the “He-Man” action figures had clever names. In “Digimon,” when an armadillo morphs into a super robot, they name it Armadillamon. That just doesn’t cut it. I sometimes tell people I love movies, but I fear sequels. I fear the “Digimon” sequel, which we all know is bound to happen (“Pokemon” is working on a number 3). The lesson learned at the end of “Digimon: The Movie” is that Digimon never really die. That’s what I was afraid of. “Digimon: The Movie” is rated PG: long on the violence, short on the attention span.