By Eric Campos | January 29, 2003

I wasn’t really into seeing a movie about a couple having marriage problems so early in the morning. My entire family has been divorced and remarried time and time again and I was there to live through many of the worst fights – s**t way more interesting than anything taking place in this snoozer. In fact, I don’t think anything remotely interesting happened throughout this entire feature and I’ll have to say my fellow audience members agreed with me. As the film began, there were maybe 20-25 people in the theater – that’s not too bad for a press screening, especially for one that’s in the morning. But by the film’s end, only two of those audience members remained and I was one of them. Hey, at least I stuck it out. I’m into pain. Sticking feathers up my a*s is swell too.

Married couple Jack and Hannah aren’t hittin’ it in the sack anymore – for something like six months. Hell, they’re barely even talking. When not attending his AA meetings where he ogles the woman leading his group, he buries himself in his study, working on a pulpy detective novel, integrating actual events and people into the story. Hannah on the other hand has gone back to college where she’s hooked up with a hunky, young student and they spend plenty of bouncy bouncy time in his apartment. But we meet Hannah at a time when she wants to stop meeting with this guy, so that she can try and fix her marriage with Jack, so there’s no steamy sex scenes for us. When crossing paths or sitting in the counseling office, Jack and Hannah have very little to say to each other. Yup, they’re painfully boring. And wouldn’t ya know it – boring people make boring goddamn movies.

Finally, Jack suspects that his wife may be having an affair. In turn, he thinks he might have one as well with the woman at AA, but this just doesn’t work out. So instead, he takes out his aggressions through the characters in his book, getting himself so worked up that he suddenly becomes scared that he might actually hurt his wife.

That may sound a bit exciting, but trust me, nothing happens and this film fizzles out like a dry peanut fart. If you wanna see real domestic problems, just flip on a little ”Cops,” that’s where all the action is at, plus you’re a*s won’t turn to stone while watching it. Still chiseling away at mine.

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