Attention, miscreants: stay away from Colstrip, Montana. That lovely town (population 2,346) is home to a diligent police force ready to pull the plug on any criminal activity.

If you don’t believe me, check out the amusing municipal propaganda short “CPD: Serving Tomorrow’s Town Today.” CPD stands for Colstrip Police Department. I have no clue what “Tomorrow’s Town Today” means, but it sounds catchy in a retro sci-fi sort of way.

The Colstrip cops are certainly a jolly bunch – half of them have conspicuous difficulty keeping a straight face when they are on camera. Not that they are engaged in comedy. This film presents the local constabulary engaged in important activities including answering phones, having a police dog sniff a courtroom, putting a tiny female prisoner in a rather spacious cell, locking that cell with sound effects that seem more appropriate for Frankenstein’s dungeon, and driving a patrol SUV at what appears to be a speed of 10 MPH.

Sadly, none of CPD’s finest is identified by name, nor do we hear them say anything. This online video is silent, except for a sampling of the theme from the old TV show “Dragnet” endlessly. Oddly, the sampling includes the “Dragnet” catchphrase “The story you are about to see is true – the names have been changed to protect the innocent.” Which, of course, makes no sense in this context – but, hey, are you going to argue with people who have keys to jail cells?

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