Sometimes a film’s premise is much more enjoyable than the actual film itself. Looking at the pulp comic DVD cover of “Confederate Zombie Massacre” and reading the synopses led me to believe I was in for a fun zomedy classic in the same vein as Peter Jackson’s early work. And in a way I was.
This short was certainly fun for the filmmakers and their good times are evident, but unfortunately very little fun is available for the observer. Where is the joy in watching other people have a blast? It’s like being the last person to get your food at a restaurant and having to watch your friends chow down while your stomach groans and asks, “When is it going to be my turn?”
The meal in this case was fresh brains. Fresh confederate brains. “Confederate Zombie Massacre” tells the story of a forgotten civil war battle in which the accidental use of a chemical weapon causes all the dead soldiers, and one sexy nurse, to rise up and start cracking skulls. This is all well and good in theory but the promising premise is suffocated by bad dubbing, lame one-liners, and poor character development. We are given no one to care about and no real story to follow. Neither of these things would really be necessary if the jokes were on target and the gore was impressive but unfortunately that is not the case.
What we’re left with is a bunch of guys running around in a field with white makeup on and barely holding back a smile. I’d love to dress up and play pretend with these guys but I see no reason to watch it.