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By Doug Brunell | June 29, 2010

“CockHammer” opens with a guy eating the breasts of a woman he has just killed. That could mean either the film will be brilliant or a total disaster. Before I reveal the answer, keep in mind that this was made for $500 in about a month.

Total disaster.

While the man behind this mess, Kevin Strange, may like to think his production company, Hack Movies, is the “new Troma,” it is actually more like a second-rate Low Budget Pictures without the humor or talent. I got maybe one laugh out of the whole thing. Maybe…

The plot involves a porn filmmaker, black magic rituals, demons, human sacrifice, stoners, sluts and some of the worst actors I’ve seen in a while. The dialogue, as to be expected, is of the school where just about everyone but the villain talks the same way, and lines are mostly read with all the emotion of a high school play.

Oh, there are numerous plugs for Hack Movies and its other films throughout, too.

All of this adds up to a tedious viewing experience filled with strange facial expressions and inexplicable cinematography. I’m sure some people will enjoy this, just like they enjoy numerous dick and fart jokes and terms like “a*s piece” and hints of lesbianism.

What was interesting here, however, was the director commentary on the DVD. Strange is obnoxious a lot of the time, but there is some good advice to be had for aspiring low budget filmmakers. He comes across as fiercely independent, and refuses to “suck the c**k” of major studios (not that I believe he’ll ever be in any position where he’d even have to consider giving something like Universal the big f**k you), which is good. He also is very pragmatic when it comes to filming his movies. He talks about how to get shots, how to take care of the crew and so on. That’s where the half-star comes in. Avoid the film, but if you have to watch it, down a ton of vodka and skip right to the commentary. Anything else is pure torture.

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  1. Joshua says:

    If you didn’t like the movie why did you listen to the commentary?

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