It’s a fun concept: A substitute food critic writes a scathing review of a mob-owned restaurant and, as a result, gets abducted to be “taken care of.” (Gee, wonder if any of these films are… nah.) It may even have made a fun movie, given the proper time and care. Instead Gavin Grazer’s rushed and sloppy would-be farce has all the pizzazz of cold macaroni and cheese.
With Arye Gross and Paul Provenza starring as the critic and the thug with culinary leanings respectively, the film actually gets out of the blocks fairly quickly. But then, like bread that refuses to rise, it goes nowhere fast. Instead, we’re stuck in the kitchen with these clowns for an hour or so of claustrophobic hand-held psychoanalysis of their respective families and “Do what you really want to do!” pep talks. Before long, I’d developed a touch of indigestion myself. Check, please!