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By Heidi Van Lier | January 25, 2006

In attempt to get myself as much good press as humanly possible, I will be writing a little daily piece here telling my story, my failures and triumphs, and all the hell and happiness that is my experience with my film “Monday” in Park City this year. Already an outsider, being at Slamdance rather than Sundance, I figure what better way to really seal my outcast status by walking FilmThreat readers through all the mistakes I’m about to make while hiking up and down Main Street.

PARK CITY – January 24th

Monday nights are apparently not the nights of sex and alcohol that the weekend was. Here’s what we got instead…

Ele went to shoot some photos for Wire Image. We like that, and they’re beautiful (they’re up now if you want to see them). Heidi went to do her panel for the WGA and Slamdance at the Slamdance Lounge. Heidi was sarcastic and tried hard to keep her mouth shut every time she thought of something class-clownish (some still slipped out, what do you want). The others on the panel (all boy writers and 1 boy producer) actually gave helpful advice to the audience of about 50.

Heidi really needs to learn that not everyone wants her to interject every time they’re speaking just because she came up with a funny one-liner. One-liners can’t really get you an agent or sell your script, and that’s what these people wanted to know about. Wait, that doesn’t really explain most writers’ careers now does it.

Heidi really needs to stop talking about herself in the third person.

Was to meet Alice and Ele after panel but they were not only missing, lost somewhere in a gift suite on a mountain top somewhere, but also totally unreachable. They finally phoned me from someone else’s phone because they had managed to leave their coats and phones in some unknown person’s car and they’d lost the person. Spent the rest of the day wondering if they were even going to make my screening tomorrow night. Were they abducted by Tromadancers?

Found Associate Producer Kurt Hahn waiting at the Albertson’s bus stop holding 2 cases of beer. He was actually going to take it back on the shuttle, even though he could barely carry it. Wondering what a dork he would’ve felt like having to have the beer take a seat away from an Ebert or even better…a Carmen Electra.

Took Mr. Hahn, minus beer cases, to the Marriott to see if we could chat with some of our Sundance friends, but all the suites were already closed. Kurt had to be home to have the party he was throwing in honor of “Monday”, which I was nearly not even invited to as it was more a way to get cute girls to the house than actually celebrate anything. Somewhere along the way I’d fallen off the cute girl list.

Found the girls back at the condo and we drove up the windy roads of Deer Valley to the Stein Erickson lodge. Valeted. Proceeded to watch all the Director’s to Watch take the stage. Looked very smilier to my panel earlier. 9 guys that looked incredibly alike, one girl.

Ate food. Talked to John Bernstein (friend from Sundance skiing and member of the press) Joel Michaely (The Quiet), Shawn Redick (ICM and my hero, and will always be my hero), Jon Larson (DGA). Made 20 or so new friends and old. Saw Tim Hutton, still Ordinary and cool. Saw Kevin Smith walk by but per my previous Christine Vachon ruling, I was not going to cold-call approach him. When I saw Ele I shoved her in Kevin’s direction and we went to find him. He’d left already. It took us about an hour to figure this out. There is not a more pathetic feeling than looking everywhere for someone well-known that you don’t know personally when they’re not even there.

I’d seen Clerks here years ago, it had been one of the little films that forced me to make my first movie. That and Go Fish and later Brothers McMullen. I should probably be glad I didn’t go talk to him by myself, I probably would’ve said something meaningless and would be hating myself now. Hm, not sure how that would be different.

Made it to the BMI party for my MIA husband, where I lost my hat that I love and then had to leave again in 5 minutes.

This must make hat number 4 that I’ve lost here over the years. It’s just become a tradition now. I couldn’t even be upset about it. Even though it was my favorite hat, that I loved, that I’ll never find again, that was the only hat that looked halfway decent on me, and that I got plenty of compliments on.

Damn I wish I hadn’t lost that hat.

On our way to the car we ran into John Artigo again, with little cutie Trevor from the Nick Nolte film. Don’t know the name of his film, don’t know his last name, don’t need to. He’s what every high school girl dreams about when they aren’t listening in Algebra. But this was a painful reminder that we’d totally skipped out on the “Monday” honorarium.

I forced Ele and Alice to go over and say hello, and it took some arm-twisting, they were exhausted from their mountain expedition without jackets and phones.

The “Monday” get-together was 20 or so people sitting around talking, mostly in Spanish it seemed, about taking off clothes and possible striptease action that could take place at our screening. When Chip Hale offered to take off his clothes Ele and I were sure it was time to leave.

But today is my screening, and I’m oddly calm. Last time I was hyperventilating before my screening and shaking. I better be over that now or I’ll have to kick my own a*s.

I had to sit down and make a list to comfort myself through this process and here it is…

1. Just because there are still 20 tix left at the box office does not mean the theater is going to be empty. (Wait, it doesn’t, right?)
2. Just because you had to leave your 3-year-old in Los Angeles does not mean she’s going to be scarred for life and need years and years of therapy. (Wait.)
3. Just because you lost your favorite hat at the BMI party does not mean that no other hats will ever look good on you again. (Damn.)
4. Just because you couldn’t find Kevin Smith does not mean he was really hiding from you, despite the fact that he probably should. (Ouch.) (Note to self: Stop being so mean to me.)
5. Just because you have to be up early in the morning does not mean people will mistake your for a midnight screening corpse.
6. Just because you saw Dave Navaro’s car, does not mean you actually saw Dave Navaro.
7. Just because your screening is today does not mean your career is over. (Or does it?)

For some strange reason the list didn’t actually calm me down, but hey, you try what you can.

Have I mentioned that I just want to sell my little movie and make another? Well, I do.

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