Mary

There are stories, of course, of other ships being found at sea, “with no crew on board, vanishing into the ether.” To add some extra blatant foreshadowing, Mary emits a ghostly presence – yet none of this stops David and Sarah from embarking on a “test-drive” journey to Bermuda (uh-oh). Along for the ride are their children, Mary (Chloe Perrin) and Lyndsey (Stefanie Scott), Lyndsey’s boyfriend Tommy (Owen Teague), and a hunky skipper called Mike (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo). Before long, folks start getting possessed, one-by-one, by a witch that allegedly drowned in those waters ages ago. “It’s like this ship is cursed!” Sarah yells. “I don’t wanna hear any more bullshit about f*****g curses!” David screams back, resolute in his endeavor.

Mary is a shrill and dull experience, so devoid of originality it’s almost remarkable how the crew hasn’t accidentally done something right. Nothing even remotely frightening happens for the first half of the film, and when it supposedly “kicks into high gear,” it just assaults the audience with cheap shock scares. Creaking doorknobs, flashing lights, wet footprints, hanging nooses, barely-glimpsed, poorly-rendered witches, etc. You’ve seen it all before, done much better in infinitely superior films.

“This is one Mary not bloody enough…”

The film does little with its remote, alienating setting, both vast and claustrophobic and so ripe for a mind-bending yarn. Characters make only stupid decisions, propelled by desires, and inhibitions deemed profound by their creators. It fails miserably as a metaphor of marriage, of moving on and leaving the past behind. Emily Mortimer is the only one who seems to be invested, but even her prowess can’t overcome all this lameness. As for Oldman’s performance – the less said about his pained line utterings, the better.

This is one Mary not bloody enough, one that could’ve used way more vodka. Goi and his screenwriter Anthony Jaswinski must have thought that simply stuffing the film with as many shock tactics as possible would suffice. It doesn’t. This ship goes down with her captains.