By Michael Ferraro | August 1, 2006

John Tucker is one of those guys that every other guy, not in a similar situation, wish would be erased from existence. He is a spoiled basketball star in the midst of his high school career. Tucker will never have any money problems because his mommy and daddy will always be there to support him. He doesn’t have to work to get a car because his parents hooked him up with that too. Plus, he has a trio of girlfriends who treat him like a God, and none of them ever find out about each other since they each belong to different sociological group of friends. One is an idiotic cheerleader, another is an environmentally sound vegetarian, and the other is the school’s video journalist.

On one fateful day in detention, the girls finally make the connection that John isn’t being faithful to them. But instead of getting mad at John for being a liar and a piece of fecal matter, they turn on themselves. They argue over whom John really loves when they should instead be sharpening their knives. And since each of these girls is oh-so-different, you’d think one of them would feel this way. Thankfully for them, another girl, named Kate who is also trapped in detention, brings up this philosophy to them. She asks why they insist on being mad at each other when John Tucker is the person responsible for the wrongdoing.

The girls then hatch up a Pygmalion-like plot to transform Kate from a normal human being into a cheerleader because if there is one thing that John Tucker loves, it’s cheerleaders. If Kate and the girls can get John to actually fall in love with her, she can destroy him and break his heart, which is exactly what he deserves. With a title like John Tucker Must Die, I think a little more Audition type justice but that would probably steer the early-teen female audience this picture was designed for, towards a different theater.

John Tucker Must Die was directed by Betty Thomas (of Private Parts and I Spy fame) and written by television writer Jeff Lowell. Its storyline is very predictable and cliché but teen girls will no doubt have a good time with this movie anyway. Parents on the other hand (especially dads out there), who get stuck in theater with their kids, may want to bring a flask with them to help make the time more enjoyable. While it’s only 87 minutes long, it will definitely feel a lot longer. There is a good chance you won’t laugh at the teenage jokes or the character archetypes relatable only to high school students of this generation. I know I didn’t.

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