Director and writer Calvin Morie McCarthy’s debut film serves up a delightfully profane slasher confection / confession in horror comedy Jesus I Was Evil. Two gorgeous young women missionaries (like those fellows you see in white shirts and ties on bicycles) share the good news about their Christian church doctrine door-to-door. Of course when men open the door, being simple, stupid creatures, they invariably invite the women in to talk about their faith while being ogled.
When Sister Martha (Melissa Crosland) and sister Amber (Airisa Durand) encounter unrepentant non-believers, they punish the sinner by tying them up and mutilating them. For the ones that don’t bleed out, Amber draws a revolver and sends them on to whatever afterlife they are destined for. It’s not the blood of the lamb that splashes the walls.
Their murderous crusade rolls along unimpeded until they meet an agnostic man ironically named Christian (Cameron Lee Price). Martha, who is young and naive, finds him charming, and he says he’s open to converting to Christianity, so they just tie him up instead of disassembling him. Complications set in when his mother comes calling.
Let’s consider the title for a brief moment. It needs a comma somewhere, whether this is a confession (or a boast) directed to Jesus, or is using “Jesus” as an exclamation for emphasis. There’s no version that is grammatically correct without a comma. The filmmakers were cutting costs to the bone if they couldn’t afford a comma! But we’re not aiming for rhetorical accuracy here, this film is about two criminally obsessed holy women on a mission to bring Christianity to the world, if they have to kill every non-believer to do it.
“… Missionaries spreading the good news and punishing the sinners …”
McCarthy leans in hard on taking the piss out of the church. He shows a Dogma level of disdain for the hypocrisy in this movement. He also acts in the film, playing the perverted Brother Joshua, whose harassing shenanigans do not go unnoticed by the avenging angels of scripture and blood. Of course, neither woman is as pious as they claim, interpreting the tenets of the church in a viciously unforgiving old-testament approach.
The film falls neatly into a new genre of micro budget horror features that present a cogent story, irreverent humor, and decent cinematography. The editing and soundtrack both serve adequately, and while the acting is often goofy and amateurish, it’s still a notch above other efforts in this style. It doesn’t hurt that Crosland and Durand are both stunning, which cranks up the film’s appeal. Men really are simple, stupid creatures.
Breaking Glass Pictures specializes in genre films, usually low to no-budget, and distributes them globally. They provide a friendly home base for Indie filmmakers getting started, or those working with few resources, and have distributed over 500 films. They have made their place in the world of cinema as “passionate advocates for the independent filmmaking community.” What these films, like Jesus I Was Evil, lack in polish and expensive production quality, they make up for in ambition and vision.
McCarthy’s film is blasphemous in the best possible way, replacing stuffy sermons with bloody good fun.
"…blasphemous in the best way, replacing stuffy sermons with bloody good fun."
