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I’m just going to warn you now, Thegin German and Robert Rowland’s Girls Guns and Blood is not a film for the politically correct and those sensitive to the exploitation of women and violence. If that’s you, then stop here and walk away because you are not going to like this film and nothing said will change your mind.

As the title suggests, Girls Guns and Blood alternates between scenes of hand-to-hand violence with scenes involving some of the best breasts money can buy. There is also a very loose story that holds this blood and boobs shish kabob together. And yes, “Gratuitous” is also a word that would best describe said blood and boobs.

Our film, written by Jeff O’Brien and Robert Rowland, follows three storylines. First, we open with Vixen (Cherie DeVille) rising magnificently topless from the swimming pool of a gangster known as Kaiser (Woody Almazan). Kaiser is met by a masked ninja…of sorts…who lost his money from a rival gang. Kaiser then engages in a mildly amusing sequence as Vixen is upset the cash is gone making her feel like “her period is coming.”

“It will be enough money to close the brothel down for a few weeks and allow the girls to go on their dream vacation to Oklahoma…”

Then there’s the rival gang who stole Kaiser’s money led by Jamie (James W. Evermore). Jamie and his thugs decide to take their cash and buyout for the night a local brothel run by Monique (Rebecca Love), so his gang can party and execute a more devious plan.

Finally, there’s Monique and her gals: Kitty (Christine Nguyen), Trix (Britney Amber), Angel (Cody Renee Cameron), Berretta (Kleio Valentien). The ladies are almost as beautiful as my wife, and about to receive a massive payday from new client Jamie. It will be enough money to close the brothel down for a few weeks and allow the girls to go on their dream vacation to Oklahoma.

Things go wrong as the party begins. Jamie is not there for a good time. In fact, the boys manage to incapacitate the girls and immediately rob the brothel of all its money. Monique catches on but she is murdered as she tries to stop Jamie. As Kitty, Trix, Angel, and Berretta come to; they decide to track down Jamie and the boys and exact revenge. Fortunately, Monique placed an electronic tracker on the money, so they can easily hunt the gang down and save their trip to Oklahoma.

Girls Guns and Blood is a throwback to the old low-budget sex comedies of the 80s and 90s. But is it any good? If you want a thrilling story, over-the-top actions, and moments of hilarity, then no. If you want decent fight sequences and some lovely women, who will bare it all…physically, not emotionally, then yes, your low standards will be satisfied.

“…if there was a feminist message than this is it. They punch, they shoot guns, and then there’s the whole topless thing…”

So, is there anything good in this film? The chemistry between the ladies is fun to watch, mainly Kitty and Trix (Christine Nguyen and Britney Amber). I supposed if there was a feminist message than this is it. They punch, they shoot guns, and then there’s the whole topless thing (which kind of ruins the feminist thing). Even some of kills are interesting, including waterboarding by peeing on your victim. The fighting is actually not half-bad with good stunt work on an indie budget. Some of its nice backyard wrestling moves are fun to watch as well.

If there’s one thing that could have been improved easily was the cinematography. Most of the scenes are wide shots. There were also shots of James and gang strutting down the street to cool, walking music ala Tarantino, and then the girls “grindhouse” poses for a group shot with guns, both coming across as lukewarm than cool. The editing was just as clunky, especially at the film’s opening with Kaiser and the ninja dude. Uninspired is the best way to describe how shots were composed and edited.

It is, what it is—as the saying goes. I’m sure Girls Guns and Blood will find not only its audience but also a place on the Skinamax schedule. As I’m closing this review, I get the sense that what I think about this movie is ultimately irrelevant. I could moralize, but it would all just fall on deaf ears. We all know what this film is meant to be. If you’re into fighting and wanton nudity, then nothing I can say will make much of a difference. To the filmmakers though, mission accomplished. So enjoy or don’t.

Girls Guns and Blood (2019) Directed by Thegin German, Robert Rowland. Written by Jeff O’Brien, Robert Rowland. Starring Christine Nguyen, Cherie DeVille, Britney Amber, Cody Renee Cameron, Rebecca Love, Kleio Valentien, Chaz Taylor, James W. Evermore, Woody Almazan.

6 out of 10 stars

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