Oh, they thought they were so sneaky. You might think you’re watching a documentary on the difficulties of being a coffee farmer. You might think you’re watching an expose on how the first world is exploiting the third world. You might even think you’re watching an inspiring underdog tale of a man overcoming the obstacles of late-stage capitalism. But you’d be wrong. So very wrong. Cafe Diego: The Cost of a Dream is nothing more than Christan propaganda.
Cafe Diego is, ostensibly, about Diego. Born in Nicaragua, he immigrated to Canada, looking for a better life. But then, I sh!t you not, Jesus H. Christ himself came to Diego in a dream and said, “Diego, you have to go home.”
And Diego looked unto the King of Kings and said, “But…I don’t wanna.”
And Jesus raised his head and looked down his nose unto Diego and said, “Tough titties.”
“Directly after he tithed, the bank to which he was in debt offered him a one-time payout at a reduced price.”
Family, I am, of course, paraphrasing. And thus did Diego return to the land of his birth, and therein did his life proceed to suck.
I’m going to be completely honest with ya’ll right now. I was excited to watch this documentary. I was a barista for nigh on ten years and a coffee freak long before that. How I do love the brown nectar of the sacred seed brought forth from mother earth, and I am always looking to expand my knowledge thereof. So, to have my expectations turned on their head; to be told I was getting one thing, only to be given another; to be lied to in such an egregious and scandalous manner; well, family, I nearly did grievous harm to my TV.
"…I nearly did grievous harm to my TV."