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Butcher the Bakers

By Norman Gidney | May 5, 2018

Recently fired, a grim reaper terrorizes a small town, killing and collecting souls for a purpose only he knows. Sam and Martin, slackers who work at the local bakery, are hired by a mysterious stranger to stop him from killing again.

It’s official. Butcher the Bakers is in the lead as the worst film I have seen in 2018. What’s more, I would be surprised if another took this coveted spot. What makes this film the rock bottom of the celluloid sin pile? The painfully unfunny script tries to illicit laughs through a series of sophomoric scenarios that meander and plod recklessly in search of a compelling reason to keep the audience interested. Another reason? Okay. The actors seem to have been given the mantra, “The louder you are, the funnier the joke is,” in that nearly every scene crescendos in a screaming match between two or more snarky characters. I could go on, but let’s actually talk about the story.

“…the plot is secondary to the antics portrayed on screen.”

Besties Martin (Ryan Matthew Ziegler) and Sam (Sean Walsh), are two hapless dudes who are running a corner bakery for a kindly old woman. We are subjected to the whacky goings on with the two serving up penis-shaped cookies to kids and being utterly clueless behind the counter. We are supposed to understand that, despite being morons, these two are menches. Soon enough, a supernatural threat in the form of a banished soul collector, Dragomir ‘Drag’ The Reaper (Mike Behrens) arrives on the scene. Dragomir, or ‘Drag’ to his friends, has just been fired as a grim reaper and has decided to go rogue and collect souls in order to build a bridge back into the netherworld. So Drag is running around town collecting souls and people are dying left and right. It comes down to our two heroes, Martin and Sam, to stop Drag and thus stop him from opening a portal and taking mankind with him.

There’s a host of other bizarre characters who are affected by the situation to varying degrees, most of whom make no sense. Screaming their lines and getting into one cockamamie scenario after another, the main duo pair up with one girl who’s father’s soul has been stolen by Drag. Really though, the plot is secondary to the antics portrayed on screen.

Filled with inside jokes and behavior that would only make the closest of friends laugh…”

This film actually reminded me of the little video movies I used to make with my friends when I was a kid. Filled with inside jokes and behavior that would only make the closest of friends laugh, the film comes of to the average viewer as a grating, tedious collection of skits and moments.

Yeah. Sadly there is literally not one thing I can say I liked about Butcher the Bakers. It attempts to be a Sean of the Dead/Zombieland/Dumb and Dumber-hybrid and comes off as a sloppy casserole of vignettes and poor production. We are never let in on the joke but are under constant attack from a movie that is trying to convince us how funny it is. Big aspirations here, it’s just a bummer that with all of the energy, effort, time, and money that went into this, we end up with something so bad. The film should be called “Butcher the Backers.”

Butcher the Bakers (2018) Directed by Tyler Amm. Written by  Ryan Matthew Ziegler, Sean Walsh, Alex Dittmer, Mike Behrens. Starring Christie Burke, Jesse Moss, Rebecca Olson.

Butcher the Bakers is Don’t Bother (*)

Norm’s Rating System: Full Price (****), Matinee (***), VOD (**), Don’t Bother (*)

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