When The Asylum unleashed Sharknado in 2013, there was some backlash towards the movie for trying to be “intentionally bad.” Still, that franchise has churned out eight films altogether, so it must be doing something right. It’s a ridiculous premise told in an absurd way— why would anyone want a “sharks in a tornado” movie to be serious and joyless? As if to prove why that idea is egregious, in waltzes Bullets Of Justice, directed by Valeri Milev, who co-wrote it alongside star Timur Turisbekov.
The action-horror science fiction tale begins after World War III, wherein the American government tried creating super-soldiers by breeding humans with pigs. The experiment went awry, and now the pig people, Muzzles, have taken over. They slaughter humans for food, and the few that do remain are on a mission to find the mother of all Muzzles and wipe them off the face of the planet.
The most hardcore, gung ho soldier in the fight against the Muzzles is Rob Justice (Turisbekov). When he was younger, Muzzles led to his father’s (Danny Trejo) death, and now Rob Justice, the legend, seeks vengeance on every last pig person he can find. He, along with those at the command center, concoct a plan to free one of their POWs, put a tracker on him, and find the Muzzles’ base of operations.
“…Rob Justice…seeks vengeance on every last pig person…”
Oh, go ahead and throw in some casual time-travel and (possible) incest for good measure.
Now, I realize that absurd fun comes in several different varieties and that not everyone will enjoy it all. It’s also clear that the filmmakers are aiming for less of an over-the-top Sharknado-esque experience and more for a straight-faced telling of an absurd idea, a la Machete (which is great) or Bounty Killer (also excellent). The difference is that Bullets Of Justice is too inconsistent to work on that same level.
Is this an action film? There are plenty of action beats, so for sure, yes. Is it science fiction? Well, aside from the prevalence of Muzzles, not really. If one is not paying close attention, the single line of dialogue explaining the time travel concept will be missed. Considering that the entire third act of the film hinges on this point, that its particulars are never discussed (how is it powered? How does it work? Do the Muzzles know about this?) is a monumental failure. So, not really. Is it a post-apocalyptic survival tale? Hardly, as aside from the commanders and one random kid late in the film, there’s no real surviving, just a lot of screwing and gunplay.
"…one of the worst films of the year."