Abominable

Not to be confused with the 2019 DreamWorks Animation feature, nor the 2006 Syfy movie, Jamaal Burden’s Abominable is an absolute disaster. Now, I wasn’t expecting a subtle treatise on the human existence here, but even as a Z-level exploitation flick about a monstrous yeti, the film manages to disappoint on every level. Its quality certainly lives up to its title.

“…researchers are on the prowl for a ‘Yeti plant’ that doesn’t just cure cancer but it stops the cells from dying…”

I would have admired the film a lot more if Burden’s intentions were palpably earnest; if I saw real thought and skill put into the characterizations and production. The truly “so-bad-they’re-good” movies usually are not intended as such, as the filmmakers make one hilariously wrong step after another, all the while convinced they’re creating a masterpiece. Movies of this ilk require the perfect combination of visionary mindset and lackluster execution. Abominable proves the “no one sets out to make a bad film” axiom wrong. I can’t imagine Burden and his crew, at any point, believed they were producing a gem. A 14-year-old with a camera and a backyard can do better than this.

It pains me to even summarize the semblance of a plot. A bunch of interchangeable researchers is on the prowl for a “Yeti plant” that doesn’t just cure cancer but stops cells from dying altogether. Of course, one of the nameless leads (I’m sure the characters have names, there’s just no point in remembering them) has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor. “If this plant exists, I’m going to find it,” she proclaims. “I have to.” As the Yeti protects the plant, this statement is followed by the logical assumption, spoken by our heroes who love to finish each other’s sandwiches: “We find the beast… we find the plant.” There’s a betrayal, a ton of exposition, and a man in a hairy rubber suit bouncing around, ripping faces off.