Let’s face it. By the time I could grab my cap and pin, the news and surprises from the Disney+ presentation are already out there. So I’m presenting the news that no other outlet, except Film Threat, is willing to report. Why does Disney think horror and thrillers are appropriate for small children? Is Disney+ some form for hypnotic subversion…a form of mind control over your kiddies? You decide…
1. What the Hell is WandaVision?
Not yet in production, the Disney+ crowd was treated to a concept video of WandaVision. On the big screen, audiences are drawn into the hypnotic mash-up of various Wanda and Vision scenes and The Dick Van D**e show. This twisted sit-com also boasts new supporting cast members from Thor and Ant-Man and the Wasp in Darcy Lewis (Kat Dennings) and Agent Jimmy Woo (Randall Park). There also has to be a nosy neighbor (Kathryn Hahn). There are no laughs only scares in the supposed superhero sit-com.
“…mash-up of various Wanda and Vision scenes and The Dick Van D**e show.”
2. The Return of Lizzie McGuire
Hillary Duff is back as the now thirty-year-old Lizzie McGuire. She an apprentice to a famed New York City decorator, in love with a great guy, and it’s her birthday. Life for her is close to perfect. That is until the evil animated version of Lizzie returns. This cartoonish imp instills fear and doubt into the grown and matured Lizzie. Rather than exercise her hand-drawn demon, she learns to live with it while it slows tears away at her life.
3. Environmental Thriller—Monsters At Work
The city of Monstropolis is in shambles as the use of scares to power its city is destroying the thin fabric between the monster/human dimensional barrier in Monsters At Work. Abandoned by scare experts Mike and Sully, Monstropolis now relies on Tylor Tuskmon (Ben Feldman) and his mother, Millie (Aisha Tyler) to oversee the treacherous shifting of the city’s power grid to its new source—laugh power. And for you conspiracy theorists—why is it Disney’s Monsters at Work and not Pixar’s Monsters at Work??? Is Pixar going the way of Sony???
4. Teen Sci-Fi Mystery—Stargirl
Adolescence is the most important time for a young person’s development. In Stargirl, All our hero Leo (Graham Verchere) wants to do is fit in and be like the rest of the crowd. But not if Stargirl (Grace VanderWaal) has anything to do with it. She worms her way into a friendship with Leo and ultimately forces him to “be who you are.” Will Leo succumb to the quirky musings of this potential, powerful, Paramore?
“…ultimately forces him to ‘be who you are.’”
5. Super-powered Spiders Come to Disney Junior
In its most brazen attempt to horrify your preschooler, Disney Junior unleashes a mob of mutant arachnids in Marvel’s Spidey and His Amazing Friends. Capturing your young ones in its dangerous web is the Amazing Spider-Man Peter Parker, Ultimate Spider-Man Miles Morales, and Ghost Spider Gwen Stacy. In an attempt to “thwip” your kids into there deadly silk cocoons, they will entice your children with stories of friendship, cooperation, solving problems and using their abilities to help others.
6. What the Hell is Wrong with Jeff Goldblum?
Jeff Goldblum sheds his persona as The Grandmaster in exchange for The Grand Inquisitor in The World According to Jeff Goldblum. He’ll take you on a strange twelve-episode adventure unlocking mysteries of where ice cream comes from and how sneakers are made. But the real question is why? What’s the real reason for collecting this information?
Tired of This Nonsense? The Mandalorian
Check out the trailer to Star Wars: The Mandalorian:
Have you read Stargirl? Worms? Forces? Paramore?