Twenty-five years ago, this week, I won the Grand Jury Prize at the Slamdance Film Festival with my first feature film, Chi Girl. This year I begged/bratted my way into being on the jury for narrative features, breakout films, and episodic. I am not cool, never have been, and I’m too awkward to reach this status, so it’s a thrill to get to be around so many cool filmmakers, festival staff, and all the other cool people who surround them. Here are some thoughts on my first two days here…
ONE
I met auteur Lily Lady in the Yarrow, with co-star Annie Conolly. Love their film, Sam’s World, and really I WAS them 25 years ago…just not as groovy and not nearly as gutsy. Lily wrote, directed, and stars in a film about a sex worker dealing with tough life circumstances around relationships with Annie’s character and friends, and never has any qualms about the work the character seems to enjoy. Having worked on so many TV shows surrounding sex, the nonchalance around what most audiences would consider salacious is why this film appeals to me. The sex work is a subplot and not the concern, and I love this angle.
Of course, I didn’t explain this when I met them, and I, of course, feel badly as I likely appeared to be a letcherous producer just pointing out the obvious nudity in the film. I’ll try and find Lily later and awkwardly apolgize so I can write about how bad I feel about that convo later in the week.
TWO
This town has changed in the last 26 years since I first wore combat boots in the snow while fliering up every available space. (Also, since I first did the Sundance Screenwriters Lab, my ex-boyfriend produced a film that won the big prize in 1993). The filmmakers have also changed, and yet some positive similarities remain. The hope is still here, even if I’ve personally lost it. The work ethic is still here, even if I’m feeling like a nap. The lovable staff are still here, even if they’re a new batch.
The flyer thing isn’t as painful and overt, Dan Mirvish pointed this out last night, the internet has simplified it. I walked up and down Main Street all day, every day, passing out flyers when I had my first film here. The screenings have also changed, and appear to be less hungry producers and more supportive film lovers and filmmakers, and other festival staff from other festivals. The internet also had a hand in this.
THREE
My Slamdance Family, henceforth known as my “Slamdamily,” are all here to welcome me and keep me informed…and tipsy enough to let go of the insecurities of my age and career status while also reminding all who will listen that I beat Chris Nolan at this festival (yeah, hope that guy is doing ok, no clue what happened to him or where he ended up). Ugh, to this, and the 80x Dan Mirvish mentioned it when introducing me to confused filmmakers with stars in their eyes. “But how do I not know Heidi’s films then???”
FOUR
I’ve been here two days and already fallen in love with this festival all over again, shooting some of my little Phoebe Kind Of series on Instagram as I remember and attending several parties, lounges, and events with the likes of Dan Mirvish, Jonathan Berman, Melanie Lynn Addington, Skizz Cyzyk, Paul Rachman, Paul Sbrizzi, Melody Cooper, Steph Reuler, and Andi Benge. Peter Baxter is here running s**t, so I’ve only had brief moments with him, but I have to say, this is likely my favorite year up here so far, despite my ever-common social attempts and failures. Much of the crazed and cruel competitiveness of years passed has been lifted. The festival runs smoothly and with grace in a way, I think it was always heading for but never quite reached, not without great attempts and huge difficulties. Part of this is the new location at the Yarrow. My fond memories of the TMI and its inconvenient location have evaporated since this new venue and experience. If you’re at Sundance this week, please stop by and say hello. “Phoebe” would also like to see you.
FIVE
Awesome director Amber Sealey happened out of a screening on my first night, and we chatted for a bit through her exhaustion coming off of her well-received new Sundance film for Disney, titled Out of My Mind. My takeaway from this convo: Amber is way more motivated, prolific, and successful than I am, and she’s such a lovely person that I’m just thrilled for her. Another takeaway…I don’t have to have this exhaustion this year, and even though some of the seeming inactivity for me is also uncomfortable, I’m grateful…while still wanting to be up here with yet another film.
SIX
The pandemic may have f****d us in ways we are still healing from, and in many ways, even here, we are still injured and anxious, but it has also softened us towards each other. This is my first festival since the pandemic, and somehow, the ease is lulling me into thinking it might stay like this.
Is this Gen Z group going to understand how to treat other filmmakers well in a way we did not? Or was that ancient hell just my own experience?
SEVEN
Last night I went to Main Street with Mirvish and Berman and even that has the Monday night comfort and lack of bourgeoisie we’d all come to accept. My Phoebe character made her rounds with her camera on and made her newest play-along enemies…including Frank Hudec and Mr. Mirvish – while their support and encouragement for me to shoot more is unending and just sweet.
