“The most acclaimed masterpiece of erotic cinema ever created,” it says on the back of the DVD case. That’s a laugh mostly because this is merely a Swedish soap opera with naked boobs. I also thought that “Angel Heart” was the most acclaimed masterpiece of erotic cinema ever created. I can be wrong about this, of course.
It may be soap opera-like, but as it goes for a lot of people, once you start watching a soap opera, you can’t help but feel yourself getting pulled in. This is the case for “Inga.” The events taking place are only slightly steamy, nothing of erotic masterpiece caliber, but it’s the outcome of some of these events, especially the cruel ending, that will most likely have you chuckling to yourself, if not slapping your knee and howling. I’m just gonna go ahead and blow the whole movie open, so if you don’t wanna know what happens, don’t read any further.
Poor Greta. She was a once wealthy woman, but she’s let her funds get depleted by her live-in-lover Karl, a young unaccomplished writer, who seems to spend all his time buying new cars and boats instead of writing, and when he isn’t doing that, he’s moping about at parties where women are just throwing themselves at him. This is really amazing, as the guy has the personality of a spoon. Despite his behavior, Greta continues to give him money to keep him happy, as she’s afraid to lose him, but money is beginning to run short.
Enter Einar, the neighborhood sleazebag, who takes to licking his lips an awful lot and also has a thing for really young girls. Despite her being thirty-years-old, good old Einar takes a liking to Greta and the two hook it up. Greta’s reasoning behind this is that Einar’s family is a wealthy one in the publishing business. Einar’s sister, who is sick of seeing her brother make an a*s of himself while chasing around little girls like Chester the Child Molester, is willing to support Greta financially if she becomes Einar’s girlfriend so that she can keep him out of trouble. Greta agrees, taking the offer of money, but she still has a problem with the fact that she loves Karl, not Einar, but this newfound money will help her to continue to support Karl so he doesn’t run out on her. Oy, what a mess! These are the days of their lives.
But, just in time, Greta’s sister kicks the bucket, leaving her virginal seventeen-year-old daughter in Greta’s care. Ah yes, we all see what’s gonna happen here; it’s too perfect. Greta thinks so too, as she immediately sics Einar on Inga. Inga agrees to go out with the letch despite her attraction for Karl. The two go out, ending in what I believe to be the best scene in the film. Einar brings Inga back home and seeing that he’s not gonna get any play, invites her out for another date. He says, “I have tickets for The Magic Flute. Would you like to see it next Wednesday?” Holy s**t! This guy’s a total pimp! What’s even better is that Inga agrees. Damn, that’s gotta be one of the smoothest lines ever, right up there with, “Have you ever cooked a hot dog in your hand?”
Anyways, Einar’s sister is pleased that he has taken up with Inga, even though she’s just seventeen. She likes that there’s a close relationship between Inga and Greta and she sees that Greta will still be able to monitor things and makes sure that Inga keeps Einar happy. Once again, she offers Greta money to make sure her brother isn’t made an a*s out of.
Meanwhile, back on the farm…no seriously, there’s a farmhouse involved here. Inga goes on a bike ride with a few girls when they decide to take a breather in a farmhouse. Inside is a group of boys waiting for them. The girls gladly attach themselves to the hunks, leaving one of the boys to rub himself all over the indifferent Inga, who ends up running from the barn of fornication.
Inga returns home, distraught. Greta consoles her, telling her that she should not be afraid of her sexual feelings and that Einar would most definitely be able to give her a much more in-depth consoling. After all, this was the night that he was going to show her “The Magic Flute.” So, Greta sends the girl on her way, encouraging her to explore her sexuality. What does Inga do? She goes downstairs to get a hot Karl. That’s right, she jumps in the sack with Karl, who is only too happy to take her virginity.
Enraptured with each other, Karl and Inga take off, heading north in a boat that Greta had bought for Karl, leaving her a simple Dear John. And that about does it. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s fuckin’ funny.
The sad thing is that this film could’ve been a lot more fun in the hands of someone…say like…Russ Meyer. Russ would’ve added more sex, more booze, more drugs and maybe a little violence. Oh well, a soap opera it is.
The Extras
The running commentary by Joseph Sarno, Peggy Sarno (Joe’s daughter), Sam Sherman (producer) and Bruce Hallenbeck (film historian, or in other words, the guy who’s been assigned to try and keep this commentary under control as much as possible). In theory, you would think that commentaries by directors talking about their old movies that have achieved cult status would be interesting. Problem is that most of the time, these directors are either too old or have had their brains completely fried from years of drug use to be lucky enough to even know their own names. The commentary for “Inga” is one of those cases. Joseph Sarno doesn’t remember a whole helluva lot about the film and when he tries to make recollections, mostly what he offers is just a bunch of jibba jabba. His daughter, who served many tasks on the film’s set, doesn’t remember a whole lot either, but she is the most outspoken of the bunch. While watching the opening credits, she’s verbally trying to remember who the hell worked on this production and when she finally doesn’t find her name credited as costume and set design, she gets bummed and decides that these opening credits are no good. Now, the first name to pop up in those credits is Jerry Gross as the US distributor. Anyone familiar with Gross will also be familiar with the man’s sleazy marketing tactics, taking films and sometimes re-editing them, sometimes re-titling them or sometimes both and packaging them as exploitation films. His most notorious work is his transformation of “Day of the Woman” into “I Spit On Your Grave.” So, knowing this, some of the funnier moments during this commentary are when the Sarnos get angered when they don’t recognize a shot here and there or hearing music over scenes that wasn’t there before, attributing the changes to Gross. Still, the funny isn’t consistent and the commentary stands as a test of one’s will to shut it off.
The English dubbed and Swedish language version with English subtitles are both available on this disc for all of you Sarno completists out there who need to hear the film as it was intended.
“Inga” outtakes – I don’t really want to go into this, but all I can say is, after watching about five minutes of people dancing badly, I had to shut it off before I claimed my own life.
Audio interview with star Marie Liljedahl – Something else I couldn’t get myself to make all the way through.
The coolest thing on this disc is the collection of trailers for Seduction Cinema’s retro titles. You get to see great trailers like “2069: A Sexy Odyssey” and “The Naughty Stewardesses.” Now, that’s good watchin’!
