With such a kick-a*s title like Cocaine Shark, what could go wrong? In this super-low budget B-movie, written by Bando Glutz and directed by Mark Polonia, it turns out a lot, actually. We can all imagine a massive, coked-out of its mind shark ripping innocent beachgoers and boats to shreds. Anyone going into this movie expecting anything remotely resembling that mental image (or the similar-looking cover image) will be sorely disappointed. The uneven Cocaine Bear (which this is obviously trying to gain an audience from) is a work of art compared to this movie because at least it delivers on the promise of the cocaine and the bear.
Billed as a horror movie, this is more of a micro-budget noir detective crime story. It follows undercover cop Nick Braddock (Titus Himmelberger), who is hot on the trail of a crime lord named Gaurisco (Ken Van Sant). Gaurisco pedals a hallucinogenic drug derived from sharks called HT25. So where is the cocaine in Cocaine Shark? It’s nowhere to be found. We see Nick and femme fatale Persephone (Natalie Himmelberger) use the drug together more than once with the same special effects footage used over again.
HT25 makes the user writhe around while having visions of being a bloodthirsty shark on the hunt for human flesh. This sounds like it could be cool if the audience actually got to see the potential of those visuals. Instead, all we get are the same incredibly cheesy/amateurish effects overlaid on top of the shaking actors. There’s hardly even a shark in the movie; it’s more of a crustacean shark-head hybrid that is barely used until a scene in the final act.
“HT25 makes the user writhe around while having visions of being a bloodthirsty shark…”
I enjoy a ridiculous and fun B-movie as much as maybe even The Last Drive-In host Joe Bob Briggs does. However, when it’s missing the fun factor, you’re just left with bad. The amateur acting and a story that seems pieced together make it difficult to get into Cocaine Shark. If the filmmakers had delivered on the promise of a cocaine shark, maybe the fun factor would have been enough to overcome all of the rest. Sadly, there’s not enough meat to chew on here.
I recall the trailer for this movie being shown at the Film Threat panel at WonderCon. Panelist Dante James (Verbal Riot) remarked during the trailer that “anyone can make a movie.” After watching all of this, I can verify that it really proves that remark. You don’t need a big budget or stars, but you should at least fulfill the promise that you make to an audience about your title. I love a good noir as much as the next cinephile, but it isn’t done correctly here. Nor is this what the audience for this kind of title wants. Additionally, I was excited about the seemingly brisk 70-minute runtime, except the extremely slow pacing made it feel much longer than it was.
Due to the jumbled nature of the storyline, I have a feeling that Cocaine Shark was repurposed in order to cash in on the current “cocaine” craze. It’s a shame because even bad movies can be entertaining if they’re done with enough care for the audience.
"…don't need a big budget or stars..."
