Meet the Tomcats. Michæl (Jerry O’Connell) is the nice guy, Kyle (Jake Busey) is the d******d, there’s a few other guys who add nothing to the plot, oh and there’s also the new, unfunny fat guy from Saturday Night Live whose name escapes me and I’m too lazy to look at the press notes to check. This group of guys are at their pal’s wedding and accidentally drink some viagra-filled wine and end up with boners during the ceremony (ha, ha). After this hugely unfunny opening, they all swear they will never end up married. To seal the deal, they make a bet and pool their cash so that the last single man standing gets the pot. Of course, the fat, new SNL guy says, “I do,” in the very next scene.
Years later, there are only two men left, Michæl and Kyle. While Michæl is in Vegas trying to impress a girl, he racks up a serious gambling debt. The casino owner is played by none other than Politically Incorrect’s Bill Maher who apparently didn’t read the script. Now, the Tomcat pot is up to $500,000 because the money was invested (are you buying any of this?) and Michæl has to get creep Kyle married in one month so he can get the money and pay off the gambling debt. He looks up jerkoff Kyle’s old flame from the opening wedding scene, Natalie (Shannon Elizabeth). Michæl intends to set up asswipe Kyle with Natalie and (guess) Michæl falls for Natalie.
I’ve used the word “unfunny” about ten times in this review already, but there really is no other way to describe it. Okay, here’s another: The “Battlefield Earth” of 2001 is here and its name is “Tomcats.”
There isn’t one shred of chemistry between any of the actors, no real moments to get to know any of them. And Jake Busey is so unlikeable as a pompous player that he sucks all the fun out of every scene. Gross humor must be done right. There’s a scene that I’m sure when they wrote it, the filmmakers thought they were brilliant, but it just comes off as sad. Kyle has a t******e removed and he wants to keep it and sends Michæl on a mission to find it and he chases the loose “ball” throughout the hospital. But his efforts prove futile when it is eaten by an unwitting doctor. Filmmakers need to realize that gross humor is not as easy as the Farrely Brothers make it look. Sometimes the comedy heavy lifting is best left to experts like Peter and Bobby.
If the fact that the movie is completely unfunny doesn’t turn you off, how about this, there’s no nudity. (Okay, one gratuitous, totally unerotic and bizarre close up of a milking boob.) Shannon Elizabeth, who has reliably stripped down in all of her previous work, keeps it all on here. And worse, there is a suggested lesbian subplot involving the incredibly hot actress Jaimie Pressly. If you are going to introduce a lesbian subplot, have it go somewhere. Pay off that lesbian subplot. Don’t let that lesbian subplot go to waste like this entire film.
