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STATHAM ON CRANK

By Felix Vasquez Jr. | September 5, 2006

My dad and I don’t share too many interests. Personality-wise we’re exactly alike, but in terms of taste and hobbies, we’re strangers. He’s tools, fishing, sports, and dominoes (old fashioned Jibaro), and I’m movies, writing, books, and superman. Our interests never mesh, in spite of our best efforts to explore each other’s worlds every once in a blue moon.

But when Jason Statham is on-screen kicking a*s, we reach common ground and sit down together to watch the man do his thang. That’s where we link… aside from being related of course.

Jason Statham is possibly one of the most underrated action stars in America, and it’s a damn shame someone as utterly bad-a*s as he isn’t getting enough attention, or roles. In spite of how utterly ridiculous his movies tend to be, when Statham is on-screen, you just have to sit down and watch this mofo.

While people in Hollywood are touted as a bad-a*s for the sake of selling tickets, Statham is hardcore without any need to be tailored. Statham, who has a history in his home country for bootlegging, and crime, really shows his on-screen presence when teamed with a hot girl and a fancy suit.

“The Transporter” movies were pretty sub-par, but because of Statham and his ability to make any character pop out, both films are worth watching over and over. Although, “The Transporter 2” was much better than the first in terms of story and characterization. It’s a live action comic book, and who doesn’t love Lola and her custom glocks?

The first film I ever saw Statham in was “Snatch.” I may not hold much contempt for Guy Ritchie, but the f****r knows how to direct a damn fine film, and “Snatch” is without a doubt one of my favorite films of all time. Statham’s role here is much more downplayed. He plays a boxing promoter who finds himself in a s**t load of trouble with the mafia, and then he went on to star in vehicles like “”The One” and “”Ghosts of Mars.” And I’ll always be thankful for him kicking Chris Evans’ a*s in “”Cellular.”

Jason Statham is almost like man who dropped out from a time machine from 1993 and landed in our time to grab a film career. Because Statham is a man who is not a very good actor, and doesn’t have too many dimensions, but he still has a large bit of appeal. Because as we saw in the eighties, the muscle bound men always end up the action stars. Van Damne, Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Lundgren, and Norris, all of whom had no range, no dimensions, and no varying personalities, and yet their careers became almost legendary.

Statham is down that road, and that’s nothing to sneeze at. Statham is the old fashioned action star, and that’s why most of his films have been pure entertainment. He’s also, much like the aforementioned stars, a bad-a*s. He’s British, huge, mean, grizzled, growls instead of talking, and can back his s**t up when he claims to be a rough neck. Whether as a supporting player in “The Italian Job,” appearing in a brief thankless role in “Collateral,” or shining in “Snatch,” the guy has it, and I pray he gets to rise to fame.

“Crank” is yet another utterly ridiculous film from Statham that defies logic, reality, or common sense, but it still utterly entertaining at the end of the day. Statham makes action movies that doesn’t have much of a plot, and rely on fights, car chases, and shootouts and that’s the way I like it.

Statham’s thankless roles in “Collateral” and “The Pink Panther” haven’t exactly added up to the clout he needs, but I’ll always be there front and center to check out what he has in store for me. Tomorrow I’m checking out “Crank” and I have high expectations, because he can make even the stupidest films pretty damn good.

And, you know what? I’ll forgive his upcoming appearance in a Uwe Boll film. Statham is too wicked to dismiss.

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