How many of you have taken it upon yourselves to re-enact certain scenes from the Star Wars movies just for fun? Raise your hands. Ok, you can put them down now and also, some of you might benefit from some deodorant. Seriously, I bet none of you have ever had it like this. In November 2002, a 15-year old kid from Quebec named Ghyslain was playing around at his school’s video studio and recorded himself fighting a mock battle, using a golf ball retriever that stands in for the famed Darth Maul lightsaber in Episode I. His friends soon found the tape and in April of this year, it found its way to Kazaa, courtesy of Ghyslain’s friends. Two weeks later, someone had taken the footage, added “Star Wars” special effects and the video spread like wildfire at gaming sites, and of course many “Star Wars” sites. Currently, jedimaster.net not only hosts the re-mix, but also the original and many other versions that range from “The Matrix” to the Terminator, Highlander, and more. Don’t be surprised if there are more videos on that website by the time this review’s posted.
Original ^ **** ^ The kid’s got energy, zeal, and dedication to his pretend lightsaber. It’s dirty work, but someone’s got to smack the s**t out of those invisible villains. He runs, twirls, and almost trips at one point. He rules! Judging from how many takes are shown on this video, there’s plenty for the “clonemakers” to choose from in making their versions, so let’s see the rest!
Re-Mix ^ ****1/2 ^ Famous “Star Wars” trademarks such as the opening scrolling story open this one, with footage from Ghyslain’s most enthusiastic moments being set to the most dramatic music from Episode II and guess what? He has a purple, double-edged lightsaber now, complete with the sound effects that go with one of those bad boys.
Matrix ^ **1/2 ^ No lightsaber here. Just Ghyslain with his long stick again. This time, dialogue from Morpheus about the war in The Matrix Reloaded is added, along with the footage being slowed down some toward the end. It’s an ok effort, but nothing that adds to the newfound universe of the Star Wars Kid.
Benny Hill ^ **** ^ The footage is sped up ala “Benny Hill,” along with the saxophone music from the show. It almost looks like Ghyslain is armed with two crutches now.
MK Workout ^ ****1/2 ^ Ingenious! Ghyslain’s footage has been turned into “Mortal Kombat: The Workout”. The “Mortal Kombat” music starts it all off, followed by the famous yell (“MORTAL KOMBAAAT!!!”). This version also features the voices from the video game, all while Ghyslain is doing his thing. His weapon is electrified and at one point, when he knocks into the back wall, there’s a small explosion and a tiny part of the floor remains afire until the end of the video. One of the best!
DancingBaby ^ **** ^ The dancing baby and the Star Wars Kid have been teamed up in a cross-country buddy movie, according to this trailer. It ought to be fun for the whole family. After all, it IS from the pool man of the producers of Scooby-Doo.
Darth Maul Girls ^ ** ^ The Star Wars Kid’s in action while the song, “I Really Really Really Really Really Really Like Girls” plays on the soundtrack. It sounds like the song is being used to tell the kid to get laid. Typical statement.
Dork Clones ^ **** ^ “Every Jedi has a semi-retarded clone.” That’s one of the lines of text in this trailer that has Ghyslain using a red double-edged lightsaber and a clone, made out of the parts where he gets a little too enthusiastic, brandishing a green lightsaber. Let the Clone Wars begin, though in a totally different manner.
Episode III Pre-Teaser ^ ***1/2 ^ No heart attacks, please! I don’t like to be responsible for any dead bodies. The “Episode III” in question is a teaser for “Star Wars Episode III: We’re Running Out of Jedi,” featuring still photos from Ghyslain’s footage and the footage itself, all set to the music of some orchestral piece that I forgot the name of. Pay attention to the quotes about the movie. They turn out to be the funniest part.
Gay Bar ^ ** ^ “You! I wanna take you to a gay bar….” That’s part of the lyrics of the song that runs over the Star War Kid’s video. Draw your own conclusions.
SWK 2.0 ^ ***** ^ A slight improvement over the “Re-Mix” version with lasers being fired at the SW Kid, and all of them bounce away from him due to his quick actions. The music is much better too.
Highlander ^ *** ^ So, let’s see. Star Wars…Star Wars….Mortal Kombat….Matrix….wow, and Highlander fans get theirs before the “Terminator” fans. Sean Connery’s narration starts it all off before Queen breaks into song. Will the Star Wars Kid end up being an immortal like Connor MacLeod? Only time will tell, man. Time will tell.
Terminator ^ ***1/2 ^ The “T-X’ trailer narration from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is used here in an amusing fashion with a few special effects (the Star Wars Kid rising from the ground as liquid metal) put to use as well, suggesting that the Star Wars Kid has been sent back through time to kill us all.
Fart Man ^ ****1/2 ^ Farting, as Fred Willard puts it in A Mighty Wind, is “comedy’s constant companion.” How true, and after all these years that I’ve dealt with it, it’s STILL funny. In this one, “fart music” accompanies the Star Wars Kid’s movements and it’s not only hilarious, but the yowling cat sound effect toward the end brings the humor up a notch.
Chicago Kid ^ *** ^ Chicago is given the treatment this time, as a trailer for “The Chicago Kid” starring the big three from the film (Zellweger, Zeta-Jones, and Gere), with the Star Wars Kid introduced as “Stage-dance extraordinaire”. Playing on the soundtrack on this one is “Mr. Cellophane” by John C. Reilly.
The WB ^ ***1/2 ^ In this version, we learn that Warner Bros. found themselves in a bit of a tizzy after mascot Michigan J. Frog was involved in a tragic event at a French restaurant. They looked all over the Internet and found…the Star Wars Kid. Here, he’s basically doing the same thing he’s done the past trillion bazillion times, but with a superimposed top hat this time.
Scorpion ^ **1/2 ^ Another Mortal Kombat-Star Wars Kid video. This time, the Star Wars Kid “battles” Scorpion. This would be better if they didn’t use the same yelling sound effects for Scorpion and the Kid toward the end.
Revolutions ^ ** ^ “The Matrix” has inevitably been put to use again for the Star Wars Kid in this trailer proclaiming that “He Is Back”. What the hell is your point, man? He’s been here for the past God-knows how many times that I’ve seen this stuff already!
American Life ^ *1/2 ^ Not much here. Madonna sings “American Life” on the soundtrack and the footage fades out every couple of seconds to show a different country’s flag, such as the United States, Canada, and Cuba.
Freddy vs. SWK ^ ** ^ It’s the one all you horror fans have been waiting for. You’ve salivated at the thought of them smacking each other around, with tons of blood present. You’ve wanted to see more killings. Well, the long wait is over. It’s time to see Freddy vs….the Star Wars Kid!! In actuality, this is just the Freddy vs. Jason trailer sans Jason, and in his place, the Star Wars Kid.
SWK in Gotham ^ ** ^ Things aren’t well at all in Gotham City. Both Batman and Robin are out of commission, leaving the city without a superhero. Soon enough, however, Star Wars Kid is there and what’s only a bit of fun about the footage this time is the comic book words that are put on the screen, such as “POW!!” “WOOSH!!” and “KERPLOWEY!!”. Put a cape on the kid next time.
Bend It Like Ghyslain ^ ***1/2 ^ A drawing of a soccer ball flies across the screen and it bounces off of Ghyslain’s golf ball retriever and also off of him at times as well. Sure he may not be like Beckham, but it’s a start that’ll really be advantageous to him in about…well, let’s say never.
Master of Puppets ^ *** ^ The Master of Puppets is the song that plays on the soundtrack this time, while this version has stills of Ghyslain in some interesting poses, culled from the famous footage. There’s also a Star Wars scroll at the beginning that highly praises Ghyslain for his work.
Kung Fu Fighting and Rap Remix ^ **** and **** ^ Finally, a GOOD song set to the Kid’s footage! I was half-expecting this when I first got started with reviewing these versions of the Star Wars Kid’s footage and I got it! This time, the song is “Kung Fu Fighting” and it’s funny while watching the Kid. It does have a few lulls over its 3 minute running time, but it’s still good. Also included on the same website as the “Kung Fu Fighting” one is a “Rap Remix” where no sticks are required. This guy performs his moves to rap music and makes great use of the time in the original, where the Star Wars Kid accidentally knocks his “lightsaber” into the wall, by backing into the curtain really fast and falling on the floor.
Last Samurai ^ *** ^ In this one, they took the trailer for director Ed Zwick’s “The Last Samurai” and in place of scenes from the film, they put Ghyslain in there. Wouldn’t it have done them better, however, to take out Tom Cruise’s name and put in, “The Star Wars Kid”? It would probably have made a bit more of a humorous impact.
Darth Farley ^ ***1/2 ^ Take it any way you wish. You could either see “Darth Farley” as an insult to the Star Wars Kid or just something that’s really frickin’ funny. A guy named Lord Rive from theforce.net community recently left his humble sanctuary in search of a “real Hollywood career” (If you find one buddy, let us know! I heard those are really rare!). A new apprentice was needed to replace Lord Rive when it came to dual-bladed lightsaber fighting. Lord Rive was training one in secret and he was….DARTH FARLEY!! Well, actually, it’s Ghyslain, but they put some Chris Farley dialogue on the soundtrack when he’s doing his thing.
The Slayer ^ ** ^ Again, sped-up footage of the Star Wars Kid kicking invisible a*s. He’d probably get more done than Buffy ever did if he kept moving like this.
BraveKid ^ **1/2 ^ The trailer for “Braveheart” is changed to reflect our new intrepid warrior, replete with blue face paint. Battle scenes also take place behind him and we can also hear bits of William Wallace’s speech. But can we lose the trailer idea, please? Between this, “Last Samurai”, “Freddy vs. SWK” and “Chicago Kid”, it’s really getting old (That is, if you’re watching all of these shorts straight through).
Jedi Who Shagged Me ^ *** ^ Sound clips from The Spy Who Shagged Me and Goldmember are integrated into Ghyslain’s footage with some funny bits including sound effects of someone kicking a*s set to his more enthusiastic lightsaber moments and dialogue by Fat Bastard right at the end that’s perfect.
SWK Drones ^ **** ^ Green, red, purple…YELLOW!!! After seeing lightsabers of the first 3 colors for such a long time, it’s an incredible relief to finally see a yellow double-edged lightsaber. In this one, the Star Wars Kid battles seeker drones and wipes them all off the map, like a good Jedi should. Quite entertaining.
SWK – VSE ^ ****1/2 ^ No, you’re not seeing double. The “Re-Mix” version mentioned long, long ago in this review is the same as this one, except it’s been cleaned up and improved, though not by the same creator. Apparently, there was some sort of mess between two parties, stealing of work, and…let’s face it, I’m not one to go diving into that situation. If you’re interested in reading about it, you can find it on the page that contains this “Very Special Edition”. One thing that this version has over the previous version is at the end, where the damaged Death Star blasts away the title and then the creator’s e-mail address appears and the Death Star graphic BACKS UP (Complete with the sound effect of a truck backing up), blasts it away, and moves on.
Bulk Hulk ^ ****1/2 ^ There’s definitely something here. The Hulk teaser trailer is put to use as we hear Bruce Banner’s monologue about liking it when he loses control and see the Kid going through his motions with his lightsaber. Then the side of the house cracks a bit and…just see it.
Neojam Remixes ^ **** for American Star Wars Kid, *** for German Star Wars Kid, *1/2 for Canadian Star Wars Kid meets American Star Wars Kid ^ Instead of trying to spruce up the Star Wars Kid’s footage in some way, the first two shorts are actually not of Ghyslain. Two guys decided to make their own versions of the footage. The American Star Wars Kid one is quite good with the guy on the screen backing up into certain things and at one point, tripping over what appears to be a mini-bird bath. The German Star Wars Kid twirls the stick, twirls it again, drops it, and then the music kicks in. And then he goes off and hits a plywood board with a stick over and over again, as if it was a newbie to the Star Wars universe who didn’t know that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father. The stupidest part of the short is when he puts one foot on the board, holds it, and launches himself off of it. Don’t make a joke too obvious, son! As for the Star Wars Kid meets American Star Wars Kid, both shorts are spliced together with a couple of seconds given to Ghyslain, a couple of seconds to U.S.A., and back again. The cuts are jarring because the music playing on U.S.A.’s side is half-decent. A split-screen effect might have been better for this one.
Star Wars Kid Student ^ ****1/2 ^ Get ready for the exciting FOX special, “When Good Special Effects Go Bad”. That’s what pretty much happens for the kid in this very short short (8 seconds). It’s actually kinda witty.
SWK Vision ^ **** ^ How about some TV? This time, the Star Wars Kid is on TV, “introduced” by Ed Sullivan and then he begins his famous antics to the tune of, “Shake Your Groove Thing”. That song is a perfect match!
Pinata Kid ^ **1/2 ^ “Eye of the Tiger” from “Rocky III” plays, while a donkey piñata graphic hangs in front of the Star Wars Kid. He knocks it askew once and that’s all folks! Nothing falls out of that jackass.
Tetris ^ ***** ^ In the words of Marv Albert, “YES!!!” The person who made this version first got the idea from a comic on the Penny Arcade website. It was a poster for a Tetris movie in which the tetroids were attacking a city, and not surprisingly, it was a Jerry Bruckheimer production. The idea came along to have the Star Wars Kid fight off the tetroids and to the music from Tetris, he does just that with square blocks exploding, and all other shapes not having a chance in hell. This is one of the most original visions of Ghyslain’s footage to be found on the site.
Check out “Star Wars Kid” for yourself.
