I watched in utter amazement as the trailer for “Scrotal Vengeance” played on my television screen. There were words of warning advising me that something evil was coming, and then a puffy-shirt wearing vampire appeared on the screen with a Journey song oozing out over the speakers.
Hilarious. Brilliant. Best trailer ever.
That was my introduction to Low Budget Pictures (LBP). If you haven’t heard of the film company before now, this is your introduction. Consider yourself warned, though. The following interview with Chris Seaver, the man behind LBP, is not for the faint of heart. If things like copyright infringement and a disdain for Hollywood upsets you, I encourage you to stop reading this second. If, on the other hand, independent filmmakers who worship Troma films and like to shoot scenes of eye socket sex are your cup of tea, well … this is for you.
Seaver began making films at age the of seven with a camera he received for Christmas. “I would go out and make crappy little Freddy and Jason flicks with my homies,” Seaver explains. It was in 1991, however, that the amateur director started to get “serious” about making films and started LBP. He began writing scripts and gathering friends for roles, and then he made his first LBP production.
“I started Low Budget Pictures with the series ‘The Commando Kids.’ It was about this group of kids who were trained by themselves to take out the evil Nazi overlord WienerShnitzal. Through ten films it was our goal to kill him by cutting off his schlong. By the time part ten came around, he got wise and devised a plan where he would inject his groin with lizard DNA and whenever his unit was sliced off, it would grow back to epic results.”
“Citizen Kane” it ain’t, but that is part of LBP’s charm.
“With LBP,” Seaver says, “I wanted to make movies that nobody else was making. Silly, gory, horror-themed comedy flicks.” And he has.
Low Budget Picture’s filmography is stunning. It starts with “The Commando Kids” in 1991 and continues with “My Brother’s a Rapist” (1992); “Jason Vs. Freddy” (1993); “Four Guys Named Mister,” a parody of “Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction” (1994); “Friday the 13th: Halloween Night,” which is Jason versus Michael (1994); “Bloody Nipples” (1998); “Anal Paprika” and its two sequels (1999, 2000 and 2001); the incredibly funny “Mulva: Zombie A*s Kicker!” (2000); “Scrotal Vengeance” (2001); “Quest for the Egg Salad” (2002); “12 Inches of Dangling Fury” (2002); and the current “Bloody Giblets” (2003). All told there are 21 films and the ten part “The Commando Kids” series. How did all this happen?
“I grew up loving ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’,” Seaver admits. He is also fond of “The Evil Dead,” George Romero’s zombie trilogy, Monty Python and Troma’s works. That love translated into Seaver wanting to go the same route. Now he writes, directs, produces, shoots, edits and sometimes acts in his company’s productions. He also does the effects and runs the company. He doesn’t do it alone, though. His fiancee, Lauren Puschkin, helps out with the company, too.
Knowing what “The Commando Kids” is about and what Seaver’s influences are, it is no surprise that the typical LBP production utilizes humor that can best be described as politically incorrect (not to mention very bloody). Seaver has heard his share of criticism on this aspect of his movies, but doesn’t let it bother him.
“I get a lot of people thinking that I’m a racist and a woman hater and bullshit like that. All I can say is that these people just do not get it. They are pretty close-minded, and I would be so bold as to say that they are stupid. I mean, you have to have some smarts to see what I am doing with these social stereotypes. If you ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you straight up that I take what society throws at us, and then I skull f**k it and throw it back in their faces.”
Seaver’s mocking of stereotypes may seem harsh to some, but he feels that he is merely warping what the media presents. He also takes particular exception to the way the media tries to make it “hip” to like gangstas, which he feels creates its own brand of problems.
“So we have all these white kids running around popping caps and talking like they from the streets, yo,” he elaborates before revealing how he deals with it in his films. “There is a lot of that in my movies, and it is all a big f*****g joke. It is to show people how it really is, only I turn it up to eleven and really offend or piss peeps off.”
When it comes to the people offended by his humor, though, Seaver offers this advice. “If you don’t like looking at this stuff, then don’t look at it. Go back to your silly-a*s media driven world where girls are forced to look like sticks with fake-a*s plastic tits and a pound of makeup, and where the only music on the planet is rap and hip hop ’cause it’s cool. Bah! I would go on and on about this, but I won’t. To all those who hate my movies without seeing the comedy and satire, I say, ‘Fucketh you and that equine you rode in here on’.”
When talking to Seaver about his humor and the accusations of racism and sexism, one is almost required to bring up a character that is a mainstay of LBP. That character is Bonejack, who is played by Seaver in a Don King wig and some awful looking blackface. I asked him to explain the character and people’s reaction to it.
“Bonejack was a character I created in ’97 for ‘Bloody Nipples.’ He was just this old black guy who loved life, the outdoors, and loved his Jello and Bill Cosby. I didn’t even think of it as being racist. I thought of it as me playing a new character, simple as that. I know a few people out there take it as offensive, but it really is just meant to be a funny character. I must be doing something right ’cause he is one of the most beloved characters from my films. But now he has Michael Jackson disease in where he is slowly turning white, and I did that not to appease the offended, but to make him funnier and more goofy. It was all a comedy thing.”
LBP may not be facing boycotts by PC groups due to the Bonejack character, but there is one area that has given the independent film company some hassles: Seaver’s use of music without always gaining the permission of the artists. This little bit of copyright infringement has caused Tempe Entertainment, which released a double feature DVD of “Mulva: Zombie A*s Kicker!” and “Filthy McNasty,” to pass on distributing a few of LBP’s other films.
“These movies I will sell myself online,” Seaver explains when asked how he will get the films into people’s hands. “They won’t go out worldwide like the Tempe/LBP stuff. About ninety-five percent of all the music in my films, I do have permission to use, though. ‘Scrotal Vengeance’ is a good example of how I would not budge. The story is about this evil vampire who loves the rock band Journey. Well, I have to have that music in the flick. It adds to the story and the comedy of it all, and I would not change the music for Tempe to release it, so I sell it. I would love to ask Journey for permission, but I know that with the bigger bands and labels they would try to a*s rape me money-wise, not realizing that in no way do I make any sort of “bank” from my films, and I wouldn’t have the scratch to pay for their songs.”
As if bands and record executives weren’t a big enough problem to deal with, Seaver also faces rejection from most of the major film festivals. “I make low budget, shot on DV, vulgar, twisted, horror comedy, and most places would see this stuff and shun it, I’m sure, or throw it off as not being “real cinema.” I have good luck at conventions and indie horror fests and screenings, but not the bigger fests, which is a cryin’ shame.” Before Seaver ever has a chance to get a film rejected by the festivals, however, he has to make it. And while all films have their share of difficulties in being made, LBP films are a different breed all together and face their own unique obstacles.
“You know, I think the biggest problem is getting girls to be in my films,” Seaver observes. “Most of them think that I make porn, or they say they are into the sick and wacky humor, but then when I show them one of my films, they are blown away, and I never see or hear from them again. It’s tough to get girls that get it.” He does admit that he has been “blessed” with a few of the girls who have stayed with LBP over the years, and he gives his fiancee credit for that. “She totally gets it, and she is a great actress. It helps to have her on your side to try to convince future actresses to join the LBP way.”
One actress who has made a few appearances in LBP’s films (including a starring role in “Filthy McNasty”) is Debbie Rochon, the goddess of independent horror.
“Man, Debbie rocks,” Seaver says. “She is a good friend, and I am just glad she is a part of my world. She is so professional and really just perfect in every role she does for me. She is also very funny and very smart. She is just a tight chick to know and hang out with.”
The film Rochon starred in, “Filthy McNasty,” features acts such as masturbation with feces, a woman being killed by a penis that is rammed through her skull, and a nice eye socket sex scene. Some would venture to say that with this film, Seaver has pushed the limits of good taste to their extreme. Seaver, of course, sees it differently.
“I think you can never go too far,” the director explains. “It’s all shock value. It’s all comedy.” And that is what Seaver’s films are about. Shock value and comedy. Watching them gives the viewer a sense that anything can happen at any time. It is total chaos personified. I asked Seaver how much of that madness is scripted and how much is ad-libbed by the cast.
“This is a question I get a lot, and most are shocked,” Seaver tells me. “To be a hundred percent honest, it’s all the script. I very rarely have the cast ad-lib at all. When there is ad-libbing, I will throw out a new line or whatnot on the spot.” He goes on to explain that people would be “surprised” to read one of his scripts and then watch the movie to see how closely it translates from the page. “I will make the actors do little extra tics to add more, like a weird face, weird noise, or to speak a line very f****d up for one second and go back to normal. I like to make my films seem just so off and in a world of their own.”
It is obvious that Seaver puts a lot of effort into his films and cares about what he produces. He understands, however, that not everybody shares his level of enthusiasm for his work. He has a cult following, but feels that the bigger companies and film festivals “s**t all over” what he does. Does that bother him?
“F**k that noise. I mean, movies are meant to be entertainment — nothing more. They take this s**t — movie s**t — way too seriously, when in the long run, does it really matter? They are just movies.” He also doesn’t spare any criticism of independent cinema’s most over-hyped love child, Project Greenlight.
“They claim to be all independent, and they claim to want to make a good movie, but for the love of God, did you see the movies they picked for seasons one and two? Yikes! And all that they cared about was whether or not it would make the studio money. How noble. If they really had the balls, they would make a truly independent movie — a movie that would get a wide variety of responses and emotions. Not f*****g cater to the ‘Titanic’ crowd or ‘American Pie’ crowd or the f*****g lame a*s ‘art house’ crowd.”
After hearing that, it should come as no surprise that Seaver has no desire to “go Hollywood.”
“No!” he exclaims. “I do want my films to be seen by a bigger audience, but I don’t want to be a Hollywood jackass. I will never be a serious filmmaker as far as stories and movies and this and that. I just want to make people laugh and cringe and have a blast watching one of my flicks.” And in ten years from now, he’d like LBP to be a lot like Troma, where he could have success and earn “enough (money) to live on and still be making kick-a*s, f****d-up movies” in his own style. He’d also like to work with Eli Roth. “I think he would totally get my stuff and support it. ‘Cabin Fever’ was such a fun ride.”
Seaver is working toward that goal of making LBP more like Troma this upcoming year. He’s working on a slew of new DVD releases and will be going to “four or five” conventions. He’s also working on his biggest film to date, “The Destruction Kings,” which will star Teen Ape (LBP’s mascot) and Bonejack as “paranormal investigators who have to search for an ancient magical Sex Sword called the Ji-Pang in order to stop the evil Jackson Sweatpants from taking over Toronto, Canada with his horde of bioengineered zombies.” He also has a plea for John Stamos, whose photograph pops up from time to time in various LBP releases.
“If you’re reading this … you would be the ultimate cameo. Call me. Let’s talk.”
Stamos? Teen Ape? Bonejack? Jackson Sweatpants? A Sex Sword? It sounds like a typical LBP film, but typical for that film company is the exact thing the major studios shun like a drooling leper child. Fortunately, fans of independent horror comedy know what the Hollywood players don’t: Life is too short to care about Oscars and what the latest star weighs. We want to laugh, and we want to vomit in our popcorn. LBP is giving us that experience, and while it may not be up to Troma’s level of success just yet, it is quickly gaining ground.
Stamos, are you listening?
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