CHENEY’S TOMORROW NEVER COMES?

The awkwardly titled “Cheney’s Tomorrow Never Comes?” bills itself as “an action Comedy”[sic] that something called Extoeterenearts called the “funniest film in years.” The truth of the matter is that this has no action and makes “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” look like “Caddyshack.” I don’t know what film Extoeterenearts saw, but it couldn’t have been this mess.

To write anything about the film’s plot would take more time and effort than was actually put into it. It involves a reporter named Mark McMillan (Art Swenson) making up some fake terrorism stories and then tripping on mushrooms and imagining he’s in a film called “Blueprint for Terror.” That’s actually more than would-be viewers need to know.

The acting makes Ô80s porn stars seem Oscar worthy, and the editing is … odd … to say the least. Director William Cheney seems more interested in using crappy film editing software effects (including random sounds for no apparent reason) than in actually developing things like a story or characters. And the soundtrack? It’s cheesy metal that doesn’t feel right in the context of the film. The cameraman? He can’t properly frame a shot to save his life. The CIA agent actors? Again with the porn star reference. Sweet Rhea Perlman, this was horrible, and not in an enjoyable way.

Avoid this film and any future films with these peoples’ names on them. If there is a god, though, this drove the producer and director into the poorhouse, and we’ll never see another release from either of them.