The website of the group that made “Anus Magillicutty” describes the film as “a bogus feature-length movie” based on a “bogus script treatment.” Eventually they declare their effort “has become what critics describe as the worst movie ever made.” Having seen “Highlander 2,” “Cyborg,” “A Good Man in Africa,” and Pearl Harbor, I can state with a fair amount of certainty that “Anus Magillicutty” isn’t the worst. It’s close, though, and the idea that the creators went to such lengths just to make a piece of crap doesn’t take the pain away.
The plot, such as it is, involves the adventures of Anus (Henry Lloyd) as he sexes up his girlfriend (Paige Abbott), fends off would be assassins, pleads with his brother (Buddy Golden) for help with said assassins, and finally approaches former friend Chee-Chee (Joe Hall) to iron things out. An alleged 70-minute running time is padded out by meandering musical interludes and pointless cutaways to naked women making out and fellating bananas. No, it’s not as cool as it sounds.
Seriously, “Anus Magillicutty” is the movie you should put in when you have chores to do around the house: unload the dishwasher during the three minute scene of Anus and his girlfriend having sex, play fetch with the dog during the 4 minute banana fellating scene, or spend the four minutes spent showing Anus’ father dancing to techno on a coffee table wondering how many kittens you drowned in a former life to deserve the irredeemable garbage that is “Anus Magillicutty” (I chose to pass the time drawing stick figure cartoons of me self-administering an orbital lobotomy with an ice pick).
But it isn’t the worst movie ever. It’s an incomprehensible hack job that insults the intelligence of anyone gifted with something more advanced than an Australopithecine brain case, but it lacks the earnestness of the truly awful film. “Anus Magillicutty” is just…lazy. It’s like someone’s high school film project, only with boobs. It gets half a star for the conspicuous placement of a “Magnum, P.I.” poster, and that’s really more than it deserves.
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