Horror flicks, particularly those of the slasher/serial killer on the prowl variety, have got to be the most over saturated of all the movie genres, sub-genres and mini-genres out there in movie-land. Would someone please explain to me, then, why someone trying to carve out a name for themselves on overcrowded video and DVD shelves across America would go and make yet another slasher flick? And why, especially, make something as trite, utterly derivative, and crappy as “After the Beep?”
And this IS a steaming pile. Angela Wood (Lynda Gordon) is an alcoholic news reporter, blah, blah, who was molested as a child, blah, blah, confronting her demons as she attempts to track down the deranged killer, blah, blah, only to nearly become a victim herself, blah, blah and blah again.
Ugh. Director Lucas Knight’s 47 minute featurette is 47 minutes too long. Packed with all the hallmarks of amateur movie making — existing lighting and sound, “actors” who can barely read lines that should never have been written in the first place, horrible editing and pacing, and a hideously appalling Casio soundtrack that makes some of John Carpenter’s “scores” sound like the Brandenburg Concerto by comparison — you name it, they’re here.
“After the Beep” is so unrelentingly awful, I kept asking myself if it was a joke; a misfiring parody or spoof that just wasn’t quite over the top enough. Sadly, I don’t think this is the case. This is just plain, old-fashioned hack filmmaking at its worst; the kind that makes a viewer wish there was some sort of license filmmakers had to apply for before they could inflict their nonsense on your unsuspecting eyeballs.
Oh, but the video sleeve sure looks nice and sexy. Just another infuriating way that “After the Beep” resembles the hundreds of other far superior slasher flick clones infecting the world of home video.
